The Wedding Ringer Page #3

Tell me right now, baby

I think I wanna marry

you (DOOR OPENS)

So, Edmundo sent you

to come find the Oracle.

What can I do for you?

Hi. Yeah, I guess I do have

a few questions. Mmm-hmm.

Um, what exactly

do you do?

I provide best man

services for guys

like yourself who

lack in such areas.

So, I'm not alone?

Alone? No. I run a very profitable

business because of guys like you.

Here's a fun fact for you.

A kid goes to

Cornell University.

He obviously has way too

much time on his hands.

He recently confirmed

the number

of real friends

the average American has.

That means we're

not talking about

the phony

Facebook friends here.

We're talking

about the friends

who know where

your porn stash is.

That number has dropped from

three to two since 1985.

Really?

I don't have any.

How many weddings do you think

were in the US last year?

Four hundred and fifty...

2.4 million.

Four million.

That means there were

2.4 million grooms.

Do you think that each and

every single one of them

has somebody

to be their best man?

Wow. I never knew

people like you existed.

I'm like an angel.

I'm only there when you need me to be.

(DOOR OPENS)

Excuse me. You got to

get going, Jimmy.

Beth Shalom, right?

Beth Yirmeyahu.

I don't understand

why they do these things

in the middle of traffic.

It's annoying.

So, what did you

tell your fiance?

I, uh, told her that

I have a best man lined up.

You gave her the old Norton Winchell, huh?

I did what now?

The Norton Winchell. It's

the imaginary-friend covet

It's an amateur move,

but it's common.

What about your parents?

They in on it?

Oh, you don't have to

worry about them.

Why, they protesting

the marriage?

No, they passed away several years ago.

That's perfect.

Is this a large wedding

or a small wedding?

Large.

Social or family?

Social.

Hancock Park,

Bel Air, Palisades?

Downtown,

Millennium Biltmore.

All right. Let's go

over some of my packages.

If you're looking for

a basic Single Wing Ringman,

that's where

I'm your best man,

I attend your wedding

for the full day.

Okay. If you need something

a little more involved,

where I participate in all the

festivities for the weekend,

then you're talking

about a Bronze Bow Tie.

Now, if you've got

real problems,

what you need

is a Silver Cuff Link.

Now, that includes everything

in the Bronze Bow Tie

plus an additional

three groomsmen

to balance out

the bridesmaids.

For an extra

thousand dollars,

I'll throw you a bachelor

party to your liking.

How are you looking on groomsmen?

Not good at all.

Not good as in

you need one or two?

I need seven.

You need seven groomsmen?

I do.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes