The Waterboy Page #3

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Was my little aquatic engineer about | to bash one of my football players ?

Well, he spit | in the c-c-cooler.

He happens to be | a finely tuned athletic machine.

and l ain't gonna have him hit | in the head by some idiot waterboy.

[ Echoing ] | Do you understand me ?

- are you all right ? | - What ? l wasn't gonna | do nothin', Coach.

Well, you better do something. | You gotta defend yourself here, Bobby.

But they're-they're-they're | finely tuned athletic machines.

l am not telling you | to go on a shooting rampage.

But you have to stand up | for yourself, or they're | gonna ride you all season long.

Believe me, | l've seen it myself.

Hey, moron !

Hey ! Moron ! Duh !

[ lmitating Bobby ] | L-Look at me. l'm the w-w-waterboy.

Duh ! l got | a wooden spoon. Duh !

Smell like you could use | a shower, stinky. [ Cackling ]

You're fired ! | [ Cackling ]

[ Both Laughing ]

Stop makin' fun of me.

Red, ready ! Hut !

- Wow ! | - Damn !

[ Mumbling ]

- l'm sorry. | - [ Groaning ]

Who that ? | Who there ?

So that's what openin' up | a can of whoop-ass feels like.

Son, you just opened | a whole case of whoop-ass.

l would be honoured if you | play football for this team.

- Me ? play football ? | - Yes.

Thanks, but no thanks. My mama | won't let me play no football.

We're gonna go home. | You and l, we're gonna talk to Mama.

M-Mama said-- M-Mama said-- | My mama said-- Mama said--

- My mama said-- My mama say that-- | - She's gonna say yes.

[ Zapper Buzzing ]

Mmm, that snake | looks delicious.

What part do you think | l'm about to eat ?

Uh, basically | a snake don't have parts.

But, uh, if l had to | call it anything,

l would say | it's his knee.

Great. His knee.

and what are we having | for dessert ?

[ animal Chittering | ln Zapper ]

- Squirrel. | - [ Squirrel Thuds ]

Excellent.

Let's talk about Bobby | playing football.

l don't like it, Mr Coach Klein. | l don't like it one bit.

You see, my boy is too delicate | to be playin' ''fool's ball''--

or whatever you call it-- | with them gargantuans.

l don't think you understand, | Mrs Boucher.

No, you don't understand me, | Mr Coach Klein.

My boy is all l got left. Ow !

- [ Steve Braying ] | - Mama, here.

lt's the brain pain, Coach.

You see, my husband Robert,

one day back in 1966, | pick up sticks,

and me four months pregnant | with this precious angel.

He decides he wants to go | and help the foreign peoples.

He's gonna go | and join the peace Corps.

and he promise me | that everything's gonna be okay.

Just like you | promisin' me now.

But everything wasn't okay. No.

He got lost in the middle | of the Sahara Desert.

and he died. | He died !

- Couldn't get no water, Coach. | He died of the dehydration. | - and we were left all alone.

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