The Waterboy

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Cut his ass.

- [ Grunting ] | - Go ! Now let's go !

[ Shouting ]

- Heads up ! | - [ Grunting ]

[ Man ] Take him down ! | That's it, that's it !

- Hey, Coach, how you been ? | - [ Laughing ] Lynn Swann.

Now, why ain't l surprised...

to see you snoopin' around my | football field first day of practice ?

Well, that's because you got | a good-lookin' football team.

Maybe good enough to add another | national championship trophy | to the old case downstairs.

That's kinda like my old man | told me one time, Lynn.

''The only thing better than a crawfish | dinner is five crawfish dinners.''

Hey, here comes | the shithead.

lt's clean.

lt's cold.

Now that's what l call | high-quality H2O. Oh !

Ooh ! | Right in the head !

lt's over there !

any unused magic in that | legendary green playbook of yours, Red ?

l may have a couple | squirrelled away in there...

for a rainy day.

[ players Yelling ]

See what we got here.

- Not exactly what l'd call | constructive criticism. | - [ Whistle Blowing ]

- Smell like you could use | a shower, stinky. | - Oh !

Listen, you-you could think what you | want a-about my personal hygiene,

but, please, | don't-don't waste any water.

That-That's bad policy. lf you | need to amuse yourself at my expense,

just-just rough me up | or something.

- Fair enough. | - [ Groaning ]

- [ Laughter ] | - [ Sighing ]

[ Waterboy Mumbling ]

Laski, get over here !

- Yes, sir, Coach ? | - [ Sighing ]

What is that moron | doin' here ? Huh, huh ?

Didn't l tell you as plain as l could | speak to get rid of his ass last year ?

Yes, sir, but l didn't think | you were serious, Coach. | Besides, he does a great job.

Disrupting my football team, | you idiot ?

Eighteen years of this | is enough !

Hey, Waterboy !

Yes, Mr Coach Beaulieu !

You're fired !

Okay.

[ Man ] | Get out of the way, you moron !

When l was just | a little boy

l stood up to | my daddy's knee

My papa said, son | don't let the man get ya

and do what he done to me

- Born on the bayou | - Oh.

Born on the bayou

Bobby Boucher, | come give your mama a kiss.

- Hi, Steve. | - [ Braying ]

Oh. Why you home so early, | my precious angel ?

Mama, s-somethin' bad | happened today.

Somebody hurt you, my boy ? Who hurt | you ? You tell Mama who hurt you.

Nobody, Mama. | lt's just that...

l lost my position as the team's | water distribution engineer.

Why, that's the best news | l heard in a dog's age.

Now you be able to spend your days | at home where you belong.

Yes, but--

l-l was-- l was thinkin', Mama, | maybe l-l could--

l could try to-to get another | waterboy job for-for a different team.

Don't you raise your voice | to me, Bobby Boucher.

l-l wasn't raising | my voice, Mama.

l don't like confrontation | 'cause l'm a Virgo.

Who told you | you was a Virgo ?

Vicki Vallencourt, | that-that-that-that girl.

a girl ?

Bobby Boucher ! Don't you remember | what your mama told you about girls ?

l remember, Mama.

a girl was so nice out at | Wasser's Creek this morning.

- Really ? | - We looked for crawfish together. | Her's name's Vicki.

l don't ever want you | associatin' with little girls.

- Why not, Mama ? | - Because little girls are the devil !

Mama, it-it's just | that l'm a waterboy.

The team gets thirsty, | and l bring them the water.

They-They need the water, and l likes | to be the one that brings it to them.

Yeah. They like to give you a boot | in the patoot for all your trouble.

Bobby, you don't have what they call | ''the social skills.''

people don't understand you. | That's why you never have any | friends, except for your mama.

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