The Waterboy

Synopsis: Bobby Boucher is the lowly waterboy for a college football team, until the coach discovers his amazing talent for tackling people much bigger than him. He signs the Waterboy as the new star player, but Bobby must keep it secret from his overbearing and domineering mother.
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Frank Coraci
Production: Touchstone Pictures
  6 wins & 6 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
90 min

Cut his ass.

- [ Grunting ] | - Go ! Now let's go !

[ Shouting ]

- Heads up ! | - [ Grunting ]

[ Man ] Take him down ! | That's it, that's it !

- Hey, Coach, how you been ? | - [ Laughing ] Lynn Swann.

Now, why ain't l surprised...

to see you snoopin' around my | football field first day of practice ?

Well, that's because you got | a good-lookin' football team.

Maybe good enough to add another | national championship trophy | to the old case downstairs.

That's kinda like my old man | told me one time, Lynn.

''The only thing better than a crawfish | dinner is five crawfish dinners.''

Hey, here comes | the shithead.

lt's clean.

lt's cold.

Now that's what l call | high-quality H2O. Oh !

Ooh ! | Right in the head !

lt's over there !

any unused magic in that | legendary green playbook of yours, Red ?

l may have a couple | squirrelled away in there...

for a rainy day.

[ players Yelling ]

See what we got here.

- Not exactly what l'd call | constructive criticism. | - [ Whistle Blowing ]

- Smell like you could use | a shower, stinky. | - Oh !

Listen, you-you could think what you | want a-about my personal hygiene,

but, please, | don't-don't waste any water.

That-That's bad policy. lf you | need to amuse yourself at my expense,

just-just rough me up | or something.

- Fair enough. | - [ Groaning ]

- [ Laughter ] | - [ Sighing ]

[ Waterboy Mumbling ]

Laski, get over here !

- Yes, sir, Coach ? | - [ Sighing ]

What is that moron | doin' here ? Huh, huh ?

Didn't l tell you as plain as l could | speak to get rid of his ass last year ?

Yes, sir, but l didn't think | you were serious, Coach. | Besides, he does a great job.

Disrupting my football team, | you idiot ?

Eighteen years of this | is enough !

Hey, Waterboy !

Yes, Mr Coach Beaulieu !

You're fired !


[ Man ] | Get out of the way, you moron !

When l was just | a little boy

l stood up to | my daddy's knee

My papa said, son | don't let the man get ya

and do what he done to me

- Born on the bayou | - Oh.

Born on the bayou

Bobby Boucher, | come give your mama a kiss.

- Hi, Steve. | - [ Braying ]

Oh. Why you home so early, | my precious angel ?

Mama, s-somethin' bad | happened today.

Somebody hurt you, my boy ? Who hurt | you ? You tell Mama who hurt you.

Nobody, Mama. | lt's just that...

l lost my position as the team's | water distribution engineer.

Why, that's the best news | l heard in a dog's age.

Now you be able to spend your days | at home where you belong.

Yes, but--

l-l was-- l was thinkin', Mama, | maybe l-l could--

l could try to-to get another | waterboy job for-for a different team.

Don't you raise your voice | to me, Bobby Boucher.

l-l wasn't raising | my voice, Mama.

l don't like confrontation | 'cause l'm a Virgo.

Who told you | you was a Virgo ?

Vicki Vallencourt, | that-that-that-that girl.

a girl ?

Bobby Boucher ! Don't you remember | what your mama told you about girls ?

l remember, Mama.

a girl was so nice out at | Wasser's Creek this morning.

- Really ? | - We looked for crawfish together. | Her's name's Vicki.

l don't ever want you | associatin' with little girls.

- Why not, Mama ? | - Because little girls are the devil !

Mama, it-it's just | that l'm a waterboy.

The team gets thirsty, | and l bring them the water.

They-They need the water, and l likes | to be the one that brings it to them.

Yeah. They like to give you a boot | in the patoot for all your trouble.

Bobby, you don't have what they call | ''the social skills.''

people don't understand you. | That's why you never have any | friends, except for your mama.

all l know is this, Jimmy: | Next Friday, august 29, | at the Baton Rouge Exposition Center,

l'm gonna open a can | of whoop-ass on Herculon,

and l'm gonna drive him back into | whatever galaxy it is he came from.

and that's a promise !

Strong words from a strong man, | Captain lnsano.

Now let's take a call. lt's our | old friend from Jackson's Bayou, Mr B.

Hello, Jim.

l-ls it possible | to speak to Captain lnsano ?

- Shoot, Mr B. | - Captain lnsano,

l notice sometimes | when you are wrestling--

or-or openin' up a can of whoop-ass, | as you like to say--

- you seem to be sweating | quite profusely. | - Yeah ?

l was wondering if, | perhaps, you might need...

the services | of an experienced waterboy.

[ Chuckling ] | That's pretty cute.

How old are you, kid ? | Eleven, twelve ?

l-l am 31 years old.

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Captain lnsano ] | l guarantee, that guy's still a virgin.

Oh ! Oh, my God !

[ Laughing Continues ]

[ Engine Whirring ]

My mama said

That your life | is a gift

and my mama said

This much weight | you will lift

and my mama said | leave those bad boys alone

and my mama said

This is where | they strip the ball from us.

and then we miss one tackle. | There, two tackles.

Joey drops the ball.

Whoops, he has time | to pick it up and dust it off | and run in for a touchdown...

before our guys even know | what's goin' on.

- [ Sighing ] | - [ Knocking ]

- Hello ? | - My name is Bobby Boucher.

and l am inquiring as to whether | you have the need for | an experienced waterboy...

on your upcoming season.

Nice suit.

Thank you. | l-l-l-lt was my daddy's.

- Hold that thought. | - Yeah.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. | Come on. Come here.

Come here. Come on. | Come on, everybody.

- all right, this is it. | This is the play. | - Okay.

Rate this script:4.7 / 19 votes

Tim Herlihy

Tim Herlihy (born October 9, 1966) is an American screen actor, film producer, screenwriter, and Broadway show author.Films written or produced by Herlihy have grossed over $3 billion at the worldwide box office. He frequently collaborates with Adam Sandler, who played a "Saturday Night Live" character, "The Herlihy Boy", in honor of Tim Herlihy. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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