The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose
- Year:
- 2015
- 14 Views
1
In the beginning, there was some
dark stuff and some light stuff.
So God, or whatever, scrapped up
a bunch of the dark stuff
and shaped a great
dildo from it.
Wait. I'm getting
ahead of myself.
So, the space nuns were
running through the forest.
It is The Unquenchable
Thirst for Beau Nerjoose!
Hello, nuns.
I know you're in there.
Give me your dear Hope
or I will be forced
to destroy you.
Destroy us?
You couldn't destroy your dick
with both hands and a map, bud!
What?
I don't need two hands...
Oh!
Yeah!
Fine!
Have it your way.
Go get the one we
came for, boys.
What's your damage
you f***ing psycho?
Hope has done nothing to you.
She's more than just a puzzle
piece in your sick quest!
Do not worry.
Hope will be safe with me.
I swear to you. I will
rip your goddamn dick
off, and I will eat it
I don't even want to do
that, but I will do it!
I will eat your dick!
I will eat your dick.
I will eat your dick.
I will eat your dick.
I will eat your dick!
Oh, ha, ha, ha, oh
Charming as ever,
Sister Dicktwister.
However, your words
mean nothing to me so
f*** off and die.
Well... just die...
mostly.
Light 'em up.
Ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(Dickwipe)
Wieners, Butthole,
Buttholes, Wieners,
Boobies, P*ssy...
Shut the f*** up, Ron!
God, I'm trying to concentrate.
Gaa! You just sit there,
night after night,
doing nothing, k?
absolutely nothing.
Nothing? Gee-dangit, Tracey.
I spend time with you.
That's what lovers do.
They hang out.
No
And do stuff together,
in love and stuff.
That's what losers do. I know
'cause I'm looking at one.
But Tracey, you know I love you.
You mean everything to me.
Do I?
Yeah, you totally do.
Ah, man.
Ah, I gotta sh*t.
Well f*** you,
Ron! Real romantic!
My butthole is
way too sensitive.
Maybe if you weren't a
giant f***ing loser, I'd be
able to buy you something
other than generic toilet
paper I'm sorry you
don't have a f***ing job!
F***!
I'm sorry. I've been
busy dealing with the
20-year anniversary of
and getting sent to the looney
bin. I haven't had enough time.
It's been 20 years already.
Get the f*** over it, Ron!
Maybe you're right.
But that doesn't change
the fact that I can't wipe
My butthole is
way too sensitive.
That is it!
God, you're always my butthole
this and my butthole that.
Well, did you ever stop and
think about my butthole's wants?
OK, My butthole has needs too.
Like a weekly rim
job, you f***ing tool!
F*** you! This marriage is over!
But Tracey!
Got sensitive butt, believe me.
and maybe she was
right to leave me home.
with nothing but my butt.
She left me sad and lonely,
and now it's me and only my
incredibly sensitive butt.
Someday I'll make
the perfect poo,
and wish it was inside of you,
but now it's me and
just my own poop alone.
Till then I'll wish upon a star
and wonder where
the f*** you are
but will not care
because you are
such a b*tch.
Somewhere outside my butthole
I can make it my way.
Somewhere outside my butthole
Someday I'll make
the perfect poo.
Hey, Man.
Life ain't all about
ass and titties.
Um, yeah I know that.
It's just...
sometimes...
life just hurts.
I hear ya, brother.
The secret to life is to smoke
pot every day. Twenty-four
seven, three sixty-five.
It'll get you in to places.
Say, uh, can you help out an
aspiring street musci-magician?
I gotta take a mean poop.
Um, yeah, I have
this toilet paper.
Man, I can't use this.
I got a sensitive butthole.
Me too.
Hey man, I gotta
take a poop real bad.
Yeah man. Me too.
Me too.
Hello, Ron.
Oh, hey Zach.
How's it going?
Not so good. I'm still
and Tracey just left me.
What? That b*tch.
Don't let it get you
down. It'll work out.
Just wait like 90 minutes.
Are you here to get
some hand lotion?
Nah, I just use spit.
I just... I don't know
what I'm doing Zach.
I gotta get my sh*t together.
Hey, are you guys hiring?
Yes, actually. However,
there is one problem.
All new employees
must pass a drug test.
Why would that be a problem?
Well, for one thing you're
Good point.
And if I'm not mistaken,
aren't you scraping the
mucus off an Amazonian toad
for ingestion purposes, no?
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Ron, don't give up so easily.
I know a guy. A guy
who can get you things.
Things like 100% pure
unfiltered baby urine.
Have you ever smelled
a baby's dick, Ron?
It's not pleasant.
And this stuff is so
clean, you can drink it.
I gotta go.
I gotta take a sh*t.
You go, Ron.
Fly, fly!
Oh, Ah, Oh!
Ah, it's crowning!
I can feel the
shark fin forming!
AAAAAHHHH!
Oh boy!
How'm I gonna wipe my butt?
Ew!! Ah!!
But, don't you need it?
We can share.
No, it's ok.
You can keep it.
Thanks, man!
Bring, ring!
Ring, ring!
Sorry, I got a phone call.
Yes, he's here.
Who may I say is calling?
It's for you.
It's the universe.
Don't get your boogers on it!
Don't get your boogers on it!
What?
Say, you wanna come back to
my house, and maybe butt-chug
some toilet wine with me?
It's like my pappy used to say,
"If you don't like the
taste, put it in your butt."
Uhhm. No thanks.
Maybe next time?
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"The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_unquenchable_thirst_for_beau_nerjoose_21555>.
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