The Toxic Avenger: The Musical Page #5

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(audience chuckling)

- You think he's all right?

- Butt-face?

Hey butt-face!

- Come on,

let's get out of here.

(Sarah humming)

New Jersey, such a state of mind

- Wait a minute!

Lookee here!

Why do I

- Hey hey hey!

- Who's there?

The two illiterates?

- That be right!

And we just took care of your boyfriend!

- Who?

- The stupid guy.

- Who?

- That ugly guy.

- Oh, Melvin...

(audience snickering)

No no no you see I'm totally

focused on thinking of

a brand new book idea, and then,

I'm gonna send it to Oprah,

because if you want to get

anywhere in the book industry

you have got to go through Oprah!

- Hey!

- So I just uh--

(sinister music)

- Listen blindy,

we taking you on a little date.

- Oh, sorry, I don't date cretins.

(audience snickering)

- Nah, we're talking

'bout a date right here, right now!

- Hey, I need that!

(aggressive music)

Get the, get the chick

(laughing)

- Help, help!

Help, the illiterates have me!

Get the, get the chick

(Sarah whimpering)

- No, no please!

Get the, get the--

(thunderous roaring)

- What the hell was that?

(audience laughing)

- I-I-I don't really know!

(thunderous roaring)

(dramatic music)

(audience applauding)

- Son of a b*tch that hurt!

(perky resolute music)

- Who the hell are you?

- Who am I?

All my life I've been a pacifist

But right now, you

really got me pissed

That stuff didn't kill

me, I don't know why

There's a new Melvin in town

And he's about to get on down

It's gonna hurt like

hell, and you're gonna die

Maybe you better scram

Or I'll cut you up like a holiday ham

I'm gonna kick, kick,

kick, kick, kick your ass

I'm gonna kick, kick,

kick, kick, kick your ass

I'm gonna kick, kick,

kick, kick, kick your ass

It's gonna be a blast to kick

your ass

(grunting)

Oh snap, let's go

medieval on this freak

(screaming martial arts cry)

(clunking)

So you're here to try to

Do me some harm

While you try I'll just

to rip off your arm

It's nothing personal,

I hope you understand

Now, I don't mean to be mean

But I'm about to remove

(screaming)

your spleen

You got a problem with

that, then talk to the hand

You better pray to Billy Graham

'Cause I'm gonna show you who I am

(audience chuckling)

Oh it's your f***ing arm man!

- Help me please!

Help me off the stage, pull me, pull!

Pull, pull!

So I kick, kick, kick,

kick, kicked your ass

(grunting)

Rip, rip, rip, ripped off your arm

Had, had, had

Had me a blast

(screaming)

Oh man, oh man, hot damn

That was a monster jam

And that's who I am

(clanking)

(screaming)

(groaning)

(audience applauding)

(audience chuckling)

And I kicked your

Ass

(audience cheering)

(audience applauding)

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