The Singing Detective Page #4

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selections from

the Sound of Music.

Snoopy pictures on the wall.

Nine grain toast with...

reduced sugar marmalade. Oh!

Old baseball players.

Pia coladas!

Sorry, is it too hard?

Go. Fine.

Not... not too hard.

lt's worst of all here,

inside your thighs.

Huh.

Organic pizza.

Bumper stickers that ask you

to honk for Jesus.

Worrying about whales

and, oh, God,

oh, what about

f***ing baby seals?

Fortune cookie messages,

and... and denim accessories.

Oh, muppets and puppets!

Sorry, l...

l'll have to lift your penis now

to grease around it.

Bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum

Bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum

Bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Mr. Sandman

Bring me a dream

Bum, bum, bum, bum

Make him the cutest

that l've ever seen

Bum, bum, bum, bum

Give him two lips

like roses and clover

Bum, bum, bum, bum

Then tell him that his

lonesome nights are over

Sandman

l'm so alone

Bum, bum, bum, bum

Don't have nobody

to call my own

Bum, bum, bum, bum

Please turn

on your magic beam

Mr. Sandman,

bring me a dream

Bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum

Bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum

Mr. Sandman

Bring me a dream

Make him the cutest

that l've ever seen

Give him the word

that l'm not a rover...

Sorry.

l'm going to have

to lift your penis

now to grease around it.

...his lonesome nights

are over

Sandman

l'm so alone

Don't have nobody

to call my own

Please turn on your magic beam

Ah!

l'm so sorry.

That's the one part of me

that still sort of functions.

We don't have to talk about it,

do we?

No.

They say she was with me that

night, but l swear to God...

Swear to something

you believe in, bud.

l swear on my mother's grave

Nina left me alive and unharmed.

That her name? The whore?

Why do you call her that?

Dog sh*t by another name

smells just as foul, pal,

and it sticks to the bottom

of your blue suede shoe

no matter what

you call it, okay?

You've stepped into

something nasty.

You want me to clean it up.

l want you to find out

what happened to her

after she left me...

and to prove nothing bad

happened to her

from my hands.

But it did.

What?

Wouldn't that be the way

her mother would see it?

Her mother,

for Christ's sakes?

You just swore on your mother's

grave, Mr. Binney.

l'm not hiring you

for a mouthful of cant

and humbug, Mr. Dark.

Maybe the cops are fixing

to fry you, Binney.

Maybe you're playing

some deeper game.

You're not a

nice guy, Dark.

Ah, but you'll pay me,

Binney...

and you'll pay me double

for the cant and the humbug.

Period.

Part of the service, period.

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