
The Singing Detective
That the guy
That's the guy.
Does he get
to screw her first?
Sure. She can be coming
and going at the same time.
What's your poison?
Saucer of milk.
This looks like a cathouse.
Think of it as a kennel.
Consider it thunk.
So...
How much is that doggie
in the window?
Which one?
Lot of mongrels, this place.
The one with the waggedy tail.
l do hope that doggie's
for sale.
Dee dum!
lt's a crummy tune, mister.
But otherwise...
Otherwise?
What'd you say?
Okay, so you want to be a dog.
No, no, l just want to shit
on the sidewalk.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail.
Hey. l like Patti Page.
But does she like you?
We're in business.
Come on, l got you,
-l got you.
-What are you, new?
Yeah, l been dealing
with you for three months.
Close the blinds.
All right, l'll get
the blinds in a minute
if you'll give me a second.
Close the fucking blinds!
That f*ck.
Do you know who l am?
l'm the Singing Detective.
Quote, come on, exclamation mark
come on, comma, bitch,
exclamation mark,
unquote, he panted...
Come on!
Come on, bitch!
Oh, yeah, yeah!
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He panted...
as he drove his...
throbbing... into her...
What the f*ck you
trying to do?
Tear me open, what?
ls the water?
What is that?
What is that?
Let go! No!
l don't want
a parrot that talks
l don't want a bowl
of little fishies
He can't take a goldfish
for a walk
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail?
How much is that doggie
in the window?
l do hope that doggie's for sale
No...
That's wrong. That's my...
She's my...
Woman love, hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Well, l went to my doctor
not so long ago
A-walkin' in a circle
and moanin' low
He looked at me and said,
''Good Lord above, son
You need a vaccination
of a-woman love''
You are... Mr...?
Dark.
Daniel Dark.
Very inflamed.
How are you feeling today?
Extensive lesions.
Temperature through the roof.
Difficult case.
We moved him to a private
room after several
disruptive outbursts.
How long have you had
psoriatic arthropathy...?
''Ow wrong?''
Since Pearl Harbor.
26 years.
And do you have
much movement
-in your joints?
-Not very...
Hydrocortisone injections
all major joints
including the toes.
And the history?
-Oh, initially, coal tar.
-Right.
-Then gold injections.
-Mm-hmm.
Butazolodin, lndomethocine.
Not successful.
The courses Prednisone,
Prednisolone,
lengthening.
PUVA, not successful.
Then Methotrexate
after positive liver biopsies.
Oh, well, then, excuse me.
Much nausea?
Do you, uh, vomit, yes, mm?
Y-yeah...
lnduced neutrophenia.
Wart-like lesions.
Removed.
Withdrawn.
You're, uh...
he's hyper...
You're hyperventilating.
Um, are you experiencing some
kind of visual dislocations?
-Mind tripping?
-l think...
Oh, yesterday he said
there was a dog in the bed,
uh, chewing his ankles.
Okay, things are not good here.
Um, how do you feel about
Mr...
Dark, how would you feel about
one of the new Retinoids?
Hmm?
lt... it-it wasn't my ankles.
lt was chewing my balls.
l see.
But what l'm asking you is if
you understand the question...
No! l don't!
Because l have regressed into
the pathetic condition
of total dependency, Doc.
ln short,
and in the vernacular,
l'm a fucking kid again.
The last time l had
to endure anything
this demeaning
was in my baby-buggy.
l was drooled over
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Citation
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"The Singing Detective" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_singing_detective_18193>.