The Security Men Page #5

Oh, that's convenient, isn't it?

The one night there's a robbery the

cameras are mysteriously not working.

Come on, let's all have

a good think.

We won't let Kenneth take the blame.

We're a team.

Yeah, but if he wants to -

Think.

Jimmy?

Well, I was waiting for you lot

to come up with something.

I was just gonna agree.

Duckers?

No, nothing, nothing.

Look, the robbery's happened,

it's a fact.

There's no getting away from it,

there's no denying it.

Honesty is the best policy, that's

what my mother always taught me.

Lying is the best policy.

When they said I took that money out

of the church collection, I lied.

And when I went to confession,

I lied again. Hmm!

Pass me a resignation form, please.

They don't have one, Kenneth. Well,

I'll adapt an Incident Report form.

Hang on.

What about if we make it look like

we DID do our job?

How do you mean?

Well, we could rewind the tape,

somehow re-stage the robbery,

only this time with us doing our job

properly.

How would that work?

Well, two of us

could play the robbers.

The other two could chase them down

and have a bit of a scuffle -

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Make it look like a real scrap.

Make it look like

we nearly caught 'em.

I could chuck my karate in.

That's it, that's it!

Do you know, we can come out of this

looking like real heroes. Exactly.

No. No. No!

Kenneth, I need this job.

My Linda can't get work

with her police record.

We all need our jobs, Kenneth. I'm

having my drive flagged next week.

You're having your drive flagged?

Hmm.

Look, the whole system

is security encoded.

If we start tampering with it,

Head Office will know.

Yeah, but you know our Clare's son,

asbo Rhys,

they took his tag off last week.

He's a genius with computers,

an absolute whizzkid.

I bet you he could reset it for us.

Come on, Kenneth.

Just give it a go.

Yeah, that's it. Just give it a go.

We've got nothing to lose.

If anyone can pull this off,

Kenneth...

..it's you.

Come on, Kenneth.

Right. Gentlemen, gather round.

Now then, this is the plan

I've formulated.

To begin with, whoever we choose

to be robbers, enter by aisle four.

It's by the Pound Shop.

They will then proceed

in a north-westerly direction,

passing Greggs the bakers, Shoe Tree,

Spoilt for Choice,

arriving at Denbys, whereupon they

gain entry using a crowbar

to 'break the padlock'

on the shutter.

Who's playing the robbers?

Well, two of us will be the robbers,

two of us will play ourselves.

I don't fancy playing myself.

I couldn't pull it off.

I've got a brother who looks like me

but he lives in County Clare.

What's that got to do with anything?

I'm just saying,

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