The Riot Club Page #6

Listen.

I've been out with those girls.

And you are so much better.

- Hmm.

- You're gorgeous.

Everything you've just said is bollocks.

Or to put it another way?

Woolly liberal bollocks.

Sorry, but calling the Beveridge Report

"a wholly positive force"...

The NHS and the welfare state were founded

on the post-war re-evaluation of society.

Which your essay suggests

is some kind of socialist utopia!

I'm just saying, the culture

of dependency it fostered...

Fostered moral citizenship!

Forcing people to pay

for other people's bad choices.

- Or bad luck!

- Gentlemen!

May I suggest, we're straying

into subjective territory.

I'm much less interested in your opinions

than I am in intellectual rigour.

We're historians. Not guests on Newsnight.

Welcome to the Riot Club.

You f***ers.

You total f***ers.

We aim to please.

Hope you weren't too attached

to your, um, everything.

- Sh*t! Oh, f***!

- Miles?

- Oh, my God, have you been burgled?

- No, it's...

Your laptop!

Oh...

Well, I think this means I'm in.

This is what they do to people they like?

No, I'm just going to clear it up.

Oh, come on, it's just a bit of fun.

- It's tradition.

- These people are not your friends.

- Oh, for f***'s sake, Lauren!

- What?

Well, maybe, you don't like it

cos you don't get to do it.

F***! Look, I'm sorry! Lauren!

Jesus.

I just wish I knew whose jizz it was-.

Well, it's one for all and all for one.

So, in a way, it's everyone's jizz.

Great, so, you did Bukkake on my room.

Proper Riot boy.

Here.

It's actually really hard to get off.

Paper's porous.

You know, in a few years' time, these

boys will be behind some very big desks,

important desks.

You as well.

College is the last time we get to disport

ourselves without anyone watching.

Let's not waste it by being squeamish.

Looks great. Looks classy.

It's a ruby wedding party, Dad,

I don't know if they want classy.

No, this is the Young Entrepreneurs.

- Students? All this?

- Hmm.

Wealthy kids, wealthy parents.

This is a fine dining market.

Yeah, we're a pub, not a Michelin Star.

And do you know how many pubs

are closing every week in this country?

Helen, they need forks

as well as spoons for dessert,

they're not having Fruit Corners.

Posh people say "pudding", Dad,

not "dessert".

No they don't, do they?

- Where did you learn that?

- University?

Must have been.

Don't drink until the president

says you can.

OK.

And absolutely no talk

of religion or politics.

- Is it always this far away?

- Oh, we're banned from anywhere closer.

And the menu is all, like, breast

of chicken wrapped in boring,

so I said to Leighton,

"Mate, let me go off-piste,

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote