The Party Animal Page #3

I got a two.

Well, you got to play by the rules.

Off it comes.

- I am embarrassed.

- Don't be. We're all girls. Come on.

- Show the boobies.

- Take off your goddamn shirt.

More cards.

I win.

I lose.

Take your shirt off.

Oh, I love this!

Lula Belle, how come you always win?

Shut up. All right, go ahead.

- What's that?

- It's a little lady problem.

That's no lady.

Women hate me.

- It's because I'm ugly.

- You're not ugly.

- I'm short.

- Napoleon was short.

- Did he ever get laid?

- All the time.

I'm from Alabama.

I'm sure that

Southern people get laid.

Studley, we lost the war.

Yeah, I know. But, I mean,

that was years ago.

A defeat like that kills all the romance

in a woman's heart.

I really find that hard to believe.

I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass.

- Don't say that.

- It's true.

I know it might be true,

but don't say it out loud.

- I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass!

- Damn it! You'll be sorry you said that.

I think you need some new clothes.

Clothes make the man.

I want you to go to Willinger's.

You got that? Willinger's.

It's a clothing store.

You tell them

to give you the works.

Willinger's.

Studley said to give me the works.

Help!

I don't wanna be a punk rocker!

Damn you, Studley.

Hi, Studley.

Shut up! Would you shut up!

I am not an animal.

- Bullshit! That's an animal!

- Yeah.

Pondo, don't worry about it,

because I got it all figured out.

This is absolutely guaranteed

to get you laid.

I have never seen this fail.

"One blow job, $22.50."

"One hand job, $11.50."

"One hemorrhoid massage, $12.95."

Hi, girls.

Pondo, come on.

No, don't go away. Come on.

Don't be embarrassed.

Attaboy.

- Hi, girls.

- What the hell?

- Oh, my God!

- A face only a cockroach would love.

We've got money.

- I'd rather f*** my father.

- Get away from me!

Studley?

Damn! All dressed up

and no place to go.

Elbow, you got to help me with Pondo.

- Can't do it.

- Talk to him.

- I talked to him. It didn't help.

- He keeps trying to kill himself.

That's 'cause he can't

get no tail, Studley.

But I'll tell you something.

The more tail you get,

the more tail you get.

- You ought to know that, Studley.

- Yes, sir.

The less tail you get, the less you get.

Now that's true, too.

Amen.

Pondo is going downhill,

and he's picking up speed by the minute.

- Best just get out of the way.

- I can't do that. He's my best friend.

This is bigger than friendship.

This is what you call cosmic.

- Really?

- Yeah.

The Buddhists call it, let me see,

reincarnation.

I thought you were a Baptist.

I figure Pondo

is paying for some past lifetime.

He be bad back then.

Maybe a Pharaoh.

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