The Party Animal

Synopsis: Pondo Sinatra is a college boy with a problem: women will have nothing to do with him. It's not that he was raised on a chicken farm and, literally, came to school on the back of a turnip truck. It's not that he is a virgin and jinxed, and every move he makes around a woman backfires. The problem is that god and heaven have set themselves against Pondo loosing his virginity. That is until Pondo discovers the secret formula to the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world and becomes....... "The Party Animal"!
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): David Beaird
Production: International Film Marketing
78 min

His name was Pondo.

Pondo Sinatra.

You know he came to the college

on the back of a turnip truck.

Now, that's the truth.

The problem was,

he only had one thing on his mind.

He had a hard-on.

I was a janitor at

that college for 23 years...

and I've never seen a boy try harder

than he did to get himself a woman.

But he was jinxed.

Even for a white boy, he was awful.

Old Pondo had an almost

supernatural ability...

to get on the wrong side of a woman.

Who would have ever thought

it would turn out the way it did?

Strangely enough, I was his best friend

through the whole ordeal.

I remember...

the first time I saw him driving up

in the back of that turnip truck.

I thought to myself,

"Now there is a geek."

But basically,

he was just a very nice guy.

He just had a one-track mind.

He was obsessed.

I went out with Pondo, once.

And one time only.

Never again.

I heard about him.

And everything I heard about him was true.

And now he's famous. I don't believe it.

There was something about him.

I think he made me want to throw up.

He was, what you call

in America, a nerd.

All this talk, it's like Pondo

was turned into this big myth or something.

He was just an ordinary guy.

He was very horny, yes, but an ordinary guy.

I heard he was raised on a pig farm.

I believe it.

He wasn't that bad.

I was the first one. It all started with me.

I think I'm the one that should be famous.

Not him. Creep.

I tried to introduce

him to campus life.

There were some

amazing-looking girls at the school.

I tried to teach him about sports.

I tried to teach him

to walk like a stud.

He was hopeless. Everyone agreed.

Pondo Sinatra was going to die a virgin.

I never dreamed it would turn out

the way it did.

- Women hate me.

- That's ridiculous.

I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass.

- Don't say that.

- It's true.

I know it might be true,

but don't say it out loud.

- I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass!

- Damn it! You'll be sorry you said that.

Pondo, no.

- Why not?

- I'm not that kind of a girl.

- Yes, you are.

- Pondo, stop it!


I don't know you well enough.

- Please. I'm a virgin.

- Get used to it.

Please, I got to know what it's like.

I'm going blind.

- Pondo, don't beg.

- Why not?

Drive me home.

- Bend over and I'll drive you home.

- That's disgusting!

Don't go. I'm sorry. Please.

Pondo Sinatra, everything I've heard

about you is true.

You're an animal.

You're disgusting and you're gross.

Can I call you tomorrow?

Seduction is an art.

You make love, you create art.

You, Pondo, you wage war,

you understand?

Studley, it is a war. It's hell.

Old Pondo was 26 years old

when he started to college.

Now, you've heard of a

"second-year senior."

Well, old Pondo,

he was a "fifth-year senior."

They finally held an election

and booted the boy out.

You have to learn to set the mood.

Romance her. Woo her.

Charm her.

Atmosphere, Pondo. Set the stage.

I'm gonna take you on a great picnic.

- Ever had a picnic before?

- No.

There's a lovely area down here.

Here we go!


Here it is.

This is lovely.

Look at the birds, the sky.

Pondo, this is beautiful.

The flowers, they are like snow.

Pondo, this is so romantic.

- Just setting the stage.

- The stage?

- I love the theater.

- Do you?

"You blocks, you stones,

you worse than senseless things."

You creeks,

where Dead Man's Fingers grow.

Brilliant! Bravo!

Testing. One, two, three.

Thank you.

Of course, you know I am a theater major?

- I'm a thespian.

- A lesbian?

No, I am an actress.

I like to show off. You see?

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David Beaird

David Beaird (born 1952 in Shreveport, Louisiana) is an American film and stage director, screenwriter, and playwright. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Party Animal" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 27 Jan. 2021. <>.

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