The Parole Officer Page #2

You'll get a pension.

Look at Al Pacino. You're just a dwarf with a calculator.

Yeah, I got a calculator, which is useful.

Cos I can account for every bill,

receipt and cheque in boring detail.

The taxman's always welcome at my house.

If he was tipped off about you...

Let's see. "He's a copper, so he earns this much."

"Bugger all. And he spends this much."

"It doesn't make sense, unless he's on the take."

What the bloody hell you doin?

Boss.

- Still thinking of going legit?

- No, just changed me mind.

- You've killed him.

- What?

What?

Some more crisps.

Who's that?

Coming out.

- Who are you?

- Please don't shoot.

- Are those my crisps?

- I'm hypoglycaemic.

Th-The opposite of, er, diabetes.

I overproduce insulin, my sugar levels crash,

I get lethargic and I need regular carbohydrate snacks.

What are you doing here?

I really don't know.

Oh, look, he's alive!

Get him!

There he is!

Uh, right, listen. Could I just say something?

If you attack me, I will go to the police.

It'll be reported. You'll have a criminal record.

You've got one. OK.

In my wallet, I've got...40! That's 20 each.

Plus a cash card.

It's got a 200 limit, of which I've withdrawn 40.

You've got that. Now, the PIN number.

It's the Battle of Hastings.

Oh! Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, that really hurt! Oh, oh...

- Oh, bloody sh*t!

- Bloody hell!

Where is he?

Oh, Gordon Bennett!

I dunno. No sign of him.

'Good morning, Manchester. It's 8:00.

'A man out walking his dog made a gruesome discovery

'when he came across a headless

corpse on the Stockport Canal.

'Police urgently seek the owner of

a wallet found near the body...'

Hello, my name is Simon Garden.

I'd like to report a murder.

Erm... I know I look a mess.

I, uh... I slept rough last night.

I got punched in the face by a man with a stick.

Fell off a roof into a canal.

Actually got a condom stuck on my finger.

Eugh.

I'm not a lunatic. I'm a probation officer.

Um... I know, same thing.

But, no, this is murder and I'd like

to speak to a senior officer, please.

Certainly, sir.

Good.

- Oh.

- Hello, Simon.

Hello.

I reckon we should, you know, rub him out.

We can't rub people out. We're police officers.

Aye, of course.

- What about the accountant?

- That was unfortunate.

Are you just gonna let him go?

For the time being. He's a very scared boy.

He'll probably go back to do-gooding in Toy Town.

If he does talk, we'll pay him a visit.

He'll find a kilo of Colombia's

finest and a head in his fridge.

Let's look at the facts.

I'm in charge of the investigation.

Your wallet's found near the body.

You're... "helping police with their enquiries".

You're in a lot of trouble.

But hang on. I think I can help you.

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