The Parole Officer

1

Sh*t.

Fell off the chair.

I wasn't, uh...

I know you're wearing a skirt, but I didn't see anything.

Mostly trousers these days.

Yeah, I prefer skirts. Healthier, isn't it?

I imagine.

Allows the air to, uh, circulate around the...

vagina!

We're ready for you, Mr Garden.

Yes, yes.

We've had a letter of complaint

stating that you are a

"negative and destructive influence"

"on the smooth running

of the Blackpool Probation Office."

I think whoever wrote that letter,

it's just a clash of personalities.

It's signed by everyone in your office.

Right, yeah, well, I mean, that's what I mean.

It's a clash between... me and them.

"A negative and destructive influence," Mr Garden.

Are they right?

Well, if you think that remembering a client's first name

is less important than claiming generous expenses,

then, yes, they're right.

If it's best for a client who's

just left prison for the 14th time

to be passed on to yet another department,

then, yes, they're right.

But I've seen over 1,000 clients

and I believe every single one...

Of these 1,000, how many are now going straight?

Three.

Simon Garden was an inspiration.

My first day out, he gave me a blank sheet of paper

and he said, "That's your future."

"You can write and apply for a job

or you can wipe your arse on it."

And I said, "I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty."

Before I met Simon, I was thievin' and hitting people.

But now...

I'm a fishmonger.

It's another string to me bow.

12 months ago, I was in prison.

Now I'm a sub-service support network supervisor

providing PC, Mac and mainframe infrastructure

with online E-task back-up.

Not many people can say that.

Do you have anything to add regarding Mr Garden?

He is annoying.

- It's true.

- He is annoying.

We talked to your clients, Mr Garden.

They're good people. I used to say,

"You're halfway up a mountain.

Crime is the easy path to the bottom.

"Responsibility is the hard path to the top.

"But when you get there, it's a great view.

- "Cos in every sinner..."

- Thank you.

There's a vacancy in Manchester.

I'll take it.

Dreamer

You know you are a dreamer

Well, can you put your hands in your head, oh, no

I said dreamer

You're nothing but a dreamer

So can you put your hand in your head, oh, no

I said far out... - Wanker.

What a day, a year, a laugh it is

You know...

Well, you know you had it coming to you...

Now there's not a lot I can do

Dreamer

You stupid little dreamer

So now you put your head in your hands, oh, no

Hey! Slow down! Idiot!

'Pull over, driver! Pull over!'

Get away from there!

You just saved that girl's life.

DI Burton, City Police.

Oh, right... sir.

- Oh, hello. You must be Kirsty.

- Yeah.

You all right? Got a bit of a...

- Oh, uh, I-I fell.

- Right.

Now... "Car theft, car theft, ram-raiding",

"arson, car theft, car theft and car theft."

Expelled from St John Fisher's,

Hogarth, Glenbrook Junior.

Not expelled from St Thomas Moore. Why's that?

It burnt down.

Ah, yes. Hence the arson.

Yeah, all starting to make sense now.

Ugh.

You could hang your hat on that.

Oh, huh, he is.

Give that to me.

We'll come back to this.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Big Dipper.

- Oh, uh...

- You're interviewing Kirsty Clark?

- Yes.

Kirsty! Kirsty!

I've got you! Get off me!

- Ah!

- There she is.

Come on, Kirsty.

You've admitted to taking the car.

Admit to possession of drugs

and we'll drop the other charges -

reckless driving, resisting arrest, arson.

We'll call it a day, I'll take us

down the pub, buy us a pint of lager.

And half a shandy, if no one's looking, for Mr Garden.

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