The Paper Page #5

Features.

We got Alison's profile

of the teenage hit man.

We got Grace finally done with that

Hollywood who's-banging-who chart...

and part three in our continuing saga

on penile implants.

By the way, could we possibly get

another dick drawing?

It looks like a map of Florida.

It also looks like, I think, the 5th

at Shinnecock Country Club, doesn't it?

I would play over the water,

by the way, as a suggestion.

All right. Business.

Dow's up. Trade figures came out

at 8:
00. Nothing shocking.

But I'm telling you, I'm sitting on

Watergate out there on Staten Island...

with the zoning commission thing.

If you guys could just give me

a couple of city-side reporters...

Wait.

How is it possible that you

always have Watergate somewhere?

Listen, I'm... Piss off, Carl!

I mean it this time.

I got a quote from

the commission chairman's ex-wife...

- and she's plenty ready to talk.

- His ex-wife?

His first ex-wife.

There's a reliable source.

Yeah. Foreign.

Terrorists blew up a restaurant in

Paris, killing five. None from New York.

Ferry boat capsized in the Philippines,

drowning 300. None from New York.

There was a violent coup

in Bahrain.

None from New York!

Witnessed... Witnessed

by two people from Long Island.

- Oh, Henry, this might interest you.

- What's that?

The mother whale in the Ukraine

had triplets.

She told me she was on the pill!

Excuse me.

I get any on you?

Thanks for asking, Bernie.

All right. So, page one,

subway sounds like our wood, right?

- We got great art.

- I think it's definite.

I don't think so. I don't think so.

You know, TV's gonna be all over it.

They already are.

It's a minor derailment.

And Carmen has got great day two stuff

on the Williamsburg murders.

If they make a bust,

we have to follow up on that.

The subway's a major story.

- Nobody died.

- Somebody got maimed.

- Yeah, that helps.

- Minor derailment.

All I'm saying is people got maimed,

and we have pictures of it.

Goddam it!

So we f***ed up yesterday!

Why do you want to tuck our tail

between our legs and take it for...

and do what everybody else does?

Let's stand alone.

Let's make up for it.

We're a commuter paper.

People want the subway.

Are you market research all of a sudden?

Not everything is about money.

It is when you almost fold

every six months.

Bullshit.

Come on. You two can slug it out

at the 3:
00. Let's wrap it up early.

All right? Because Henry

has an interview...

at The Sentinel.

The Sentinel?

- Thank you.

- All right!

- Congratulations.

- Excuse us.

At least steal us

a little something.

What do you guys want? Tote bags?

Let me take some orders.

- Phil? Chair?

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