The Paper Page #3

I got political columnists,

guest columnists...

celebrity columnists...

The only thing I don't have

is a dead columnist.

That's the kind I could really use.

- Right. Listen...

- We reek of opinions.

What every columnist at this paper

needs to do...

is to shut the f*** up.

I'm serious.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Because I know...

If you don't mind walking.

I gotta walk before I die.

- Why? What's the matter?

- You don't want to know.

- Sure I do.

- No, you don't.

If I said, "What's the matter?"

I'm listening.

All right, all right.

I got a prostate

the size of a bagel.

You still coming?

Look, Bernie. I know you know

about the Sentinel interview.

It's an assistant

managing editor thing.

It's really more sideways

than up.

- You can jump in here anytime.

- What are you looking for?

You want me to make it easy for you

to go to another paper?

You want a ride uptown?

You want me to wait outside

and think positive thoughts?

That's not my job.

My job is to keep your ass

downstairs.

- What am I supposed to do?

- I don't know.

It's nine to five.

It's more money. It's less hours.

Martha... We're having the baby,

and she gave up her job.

So it's for her.

That's okay.

Not just for her.

It's for me too.

Bernie, you've got kids.

How'd you keep doing the job?

Don't ask marital advice

from a guy with two ex-wives...

and a daughter

that won't speak to him.

The problem with being

my age is...

everybody thinks

you're a father figure...

but you're really just

the same a**hole you always were.

You do have a problem, Henry,

but it's your problem.

Thanks, Bernie.

You've been a big help.

Daryll!

How you doing?

Come on in.

Make sure she put on those sneakers,

you hear me?

Yeah.

- I don't want to...

- You're gonna wear them.

- What do you think's gonna happen?

- What does it say?

Nothing.

Damn.

Open the parachute.

Hello?

Henry, why aren't you

at your interview?

Well, hon, it's not

for another two hours.

What's up?

Janet told me you called.

- Tell him to do it over.

- He'll love that.

What's up, honey? Are you okay?

Do you need anything?

Not right away, I mean...

Tell me everything that's

going on there. Leave nothing out.

You know, the usual delights.

Honey, can you tell me

what you need?

Because I got this meeting with Alicia.

- Don't take any crap from her, okay?

- Okay.

I won't. Have you got everything?

Last chance. Anything at all.

- Water bed!

- Water bed.

Okay, honey. The phone

is slipping out of my hand.

No, wait, stop.

- Here it goes.

- No, I'll remember.

- I'll remember.

- Okay, you call me when you got it.

All right? Goodbye.

I love you. She's nuts.

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