The Odd Couple II Page #2

I'm nervous because my daughter is

getting married on Sunday in California.

In San...

- Well, I've got a friend picking me up.

- How nice.

Are you all right? Your face

is turning blue. Do you need oxygen?

Yeah, but you never know

who's been using that before.

Stewardess!

Excuse me.

I see my bag. Excuse me.

What happened here?

What do you call this?

This is mishandling of luggage!

It's a federal misdemeanour.

Did you see this?

Oscar?

Felix?

Oscar!

Felix!

Look out!

We haven't even said hello

and I've got a broken leg.

It's just a sprain. Hello, Felix.

- Let me know when you gonna hit a bump.

- OK, that was a bump.

Here we go, we're all set.

Maybe we could stop

and get a pair of crutches some place.

I'll keep my eye open

for a crutch store.

I'm sure there's a lot of them

on the freeway.

Hold on to me

and let's hop over to the car.

That's it.

Now you've got it.

Bend down and slide into the seat.

You know what I mean?

- Tell me when it hurts.

- That hurts.

I've got a good idea.

Don't tell me when it hurts,

it's gonna hurt anyway.

When I count to three, we'll do it all

in one big move. One, two, three!

- Oh, God!

- I like '"it hurts'" better.

Got you some ice from the machine.

It'll keep the swelling down.

I need something to put the ice in.

Put it in your sock!

What am I, an orthopaedic?

- Foot feeling any better?

- It's a piece of frozen meat.

Hang it out the window, it's warm out.

I'm starving.

I haven't eaten since last night.

- Didn't they serve on the plane?

- No, my fish was flying east.

Here's my complimentary nuts.

Go ahead.

If your teeth keep chattering,

you'll have peanut butter in three minutes.

Do you know

what the fat content of nuts is?

Not to mention the salt content.

I could have a heart attack at the wedding.

- I haven't seen you in eight, nine years.

- 17 years.

You couldn't even remember that we

haven't seen each other for 17 years?

I didn't dwell on it.

So your hair got whiter, your ears

got bigger, your nose got longer...

but you still retain that unique, elusive,

pain in the ass quality

that drives me berserk.

Well you have changed.

When I saw you at the airport,

I thought you'd died

and your mother came to tell me.

- I heard that line on the Seinfeld show.

- It's how fast I thought of it that counts.

Open the window.

I want to throw the water out.

It is open.

Sorry, they must have just cleaned it.

Feeling better now? What's the matter?

Did you sprain your tongue too?

I'm angry at myself.

I shouldn't have yelled at you.

We've always had bad chemistry.

We mix like oil and frozen yoghurt.

- But I'm glad to see you anyway.

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