The Nines Page #3

It's not safe for you to be out here.

You should go back, okay?

Oh, sh*t.

Evening, Officers.

Once again, house arrest means

you stay inside your house.

Think of it like

an electronic leash.

Think of it like

an electronic leash.

If you even go more than

the cops come,

and they throw your ass in jail.

If you ever try to take it off,

the cops come,

and they throw your ass in jail.

If they ever detect drugs

or alcohol in your system...

Cops come.

Throw my ass in jail.

No, I kick your ass.

Then the cops come

and throw your ass in jail.

Do I still have to answer the phone?

I'll be doing that from now on.

I'm moving into the guest room.

I don't need a babysitter.

Despite all evidence

to the contrary.

Don't worry,

I'm a cool roomie.

Who do you think taught

Affleck how to gamble?

Let's never hear that again!

...ninety-seven,

ninety-eight, ninety-nine.

One hundred feet.

Behold, the edge of your world.

In the world,

out of the world.

In the world,

out of the world...

Hey, I'm dancing!

Sure, absolutely.

So the guy's like,

"Do you know fencing?"

And I say, "That's what it says

on my headshot."

- Lies.

- Oh, always. Always.

So he says to me,

"Foil or epi?"

- Epee!

- And I say I'm about equal in both...

- Which is true!

- Exactly.

Anyway, he throws me

this f***ing Conan sword, right?

And then he just starts

going after me.

I'm just swinging.

I'm just trying to stay alive,

right, with my eyes closed,

and I end up accidentally

cutting his ear.

You cut off his ear?

Yeah... well, no, no,

just a little, right.

But I ended up getting the job.

Wait, you were in

Pirates of the Caribbean?

Yeah. No, no.

No, not the movie, the ride.

I was all, like, "Arr, keep

both hands inside the boat."

Don't. No finger.

Good night, fuckface.

Good night, you filthy whore.

It's incredible.

Whenever I see them,

I always feel like... damn.

I was born at the wrong time.

Exactly.

- Where's the warden?

- Groceries.

Quite the little missus.

- How's Jaden?

- Boring.

We haven't had nearly the grand old time

you two have been having.

You've been watching.

Well, I don't want

to meddle in your affairs.

My affairs?

Everyone needs affection.

I get it.

I don't. Are you seriously jealous?

The opposite.

I just want to protect her.

- From what?

- From you.

Look at you. You date models,

actresses, tennis players.

Yeah?

On a scale of one to ten,

you belong with the nines.

We both know

you won't settle for less.

What are the nines?

What?

"Look for the nines"?

It's not mine.

- It's your handwriting.

- I didn't write it.

Okay.

Allee--allee--all come free.

What?

Nothing.

Seriously. What?

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