The Meaning of Life Page #4

Filling the bloody world up

with bloody people they

can't afford to bloody feed.

What are we, dear? Protestant,

and fiercely proud of it.

Well, why do they have

so many children?

Because every time they have sexual

intercourse, they have to have a baby.

But it's the same with us,

Harry. What do you mean?

Well, I mean

we've got two children,

and we've had

sexual intercourse twice.

That's not the point. We could

have it any time we wanted.

Really?

Oh, yes. And what's more,

because we don't believe

in all that Papist claptrap,

we can take precautions.

What, you mean

lock the door?

No, no. I mean because we are members

of the Protestant Reformed Church,

which successfully challenged

the autocratic power

of the Papacy

in the mid-sixteenth century,

we can wear little rubber

devices to prevent issue.

What do you mean?

I could, if I wanted, have

sexual intercourse with you.

Oh, yes, Harry.

And by wearing a rubber sheath

over my old fellow,

I could ensure that when I came

off, you would not be impregnated.

Ooh! That's what being

a Protestant's all about.

That's why

it's the church for me.

That's why

it's the church for anyone

who respects the individual

and the individual's right

to decide for him

or herself.

When Martin Luther nailed his

protest up to the church door in 1517,

he may not have realized the full

significance of what he was doing

but 400 years later,

thanks to him, my dear,

I can wear whatever I want

on my John Thomas.

And Protestantism doesn't stop

at the simple condom. Oh, no!

I can wear French Ticklers

if I want. You what?

French Ticklers, Black

Mambos, Crocodile Ribs...

Sheaths that are designed

not only to protect,

but also to enhance the

stimulation of sexual congress.

Have you got one?

Have I got one? Well, no,

but I can go down the road anytime

I want and walk into Harry's

and hold my head up high and

say, in a loud, steady voice,

"Harry, I want you

to sell me a condom.

"In fact, today I think I'll have a

French Tickler, for I am a Protestant. "

Well, why don't you?

But they, they cannot,

because their church never made the

great leap out of the Middle Ages

and the domination

of alien Episcopal supremacy.

But despite the attempts

of Protestants

to promote the idea

of sex for pleasure,

children continue

to multiply everywhere.

The Meaning of Life, part two.

Growth and learning.

And spotteth twice they the

camels before the third hour.

And so the Midianites

went forth to Ram Gilead,

in Kadesh Bilgemath,

by Shor Ethra Regalion,

to the house of

Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda,

he who brought the butter dish

to Balshazar,

and the tent peg

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