The Matchbreaker Page #3

I thought

maybe you could use this.

Lack of motivation,

doesn't save money.

Not that he has

that much money to begin with,

he works at a fast food place.

Fast food alone has

destroyed many relationships

with the weight gain.

I'm not that patient.

Um, I don't know if

this list is going to work.

These aren't things

people my age care about.

They think in the present.

Ok.

So what then?

What I'm looking for are

quirks, habits, annoying things

about him.

So your boyfriend

is Zach Winstead?

Yeah.

Do you know him?

Yeah, i... uh, I do.

Great guy.

I mean, except for

the toothpick thing.

What?

He always has a

toothpick in his mouth.

It's like a redneck way

of being pretentious.

It's weird.

Plus, the mouth noises he makes?

Ugh.

And you got to admit, he

talks like a junior high girl.

Did you see that tweet or not?

Eww.

Oh my gosh, they're so annoying.

Basic as they get.

Is that Chelsea?

What the what?

Hey, we bout to turn up!

I hate Josh Hutcherson

so much, I can't even.

JK, I'm jelly.

But seriously.

And you know, should he

really be dancing in public?

Oh, i... uh, I got to go.

Do you wanna hang

out this weekend?

Huh?

What?

I like hanging out with you.

Uh, I don't know.

I'm not sure about hanging out

with someone else's girlfriend.

I don't want to cause

any trouble there.

Oh.

So...

Yeah, ok.

Yeah.

See ya.

Wait.

Don't you want your dog?

Thanks.

Stupid dog, you

make me look bad.

Bye.

I don't think it's working out.

What's up?

I'm Zach.

What am I supposed

to do with this dog?

Take him back to the shelter?

Is that what I am now?

I use dogs and then

toss them back?

Hey.

I heard barking.

You're not allowed

to have a dog.

We named him after you.

Tully?

Beast.

Ok.

But I get to walk

him on Tuesdays.

Tuesday is Velma's

Katherine Heigl movie night.

Deal.

Hey, do you think

this girl was into you?

Definitely.

Was she cute?

Sure, but kinda weird too.

There's this new girl.

You know, as someone who

hasn't been in a relationship

for a while, I think you have

to move past the weird thing.

Was she breathing?

Look who's talking.

You haven't had a girlfriend

since the fourth grade.

I've had a lot of girlfriends.

Ok, two.

Oh, wait... uh, yeah.

Two.

And this is why I'm taking

relationship advice from you?

Do dogs eat, like, every day?

Yes they do.

Don't you?

Don't you?

Kaching.

What?

What?

Look.

Oh, dagnabbit.

The flying monkey

has landed, minus

the munchkin-eared albatross.

What is happening?

Great doing business with you.

Glad I could help.

Can I recommend

you to some people?

What do you mean?

You'd be surprised how

many parents dislike

their daughters' boyfriends.

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