The Man Who Would Be King Page #3

...for such who can train

and lead men in battle.

We'll go there

and say to any chief we find:

"Want to vanquish your foes?"

He'll say, "Of course, do it."

We'll fight for him, make him king

and then subvert him.

We'll seize his royal throne

and loot the country.

How's that for a plan?

You're both out of your minds!

To start with...

...the only way to get there

is through Afghanistan.

Kafiristan? No, no, no.

Two white men would be cut to pieces

five miles into the Khyber Pass.

Just suppose we managed it.

Just suppose.

And suppose we got across

the Afghan plains, then what?

There's the Hindu Kush,

a frozen sea of peaks and glaciers.

A party of geographers tried several

years ago and vanished into thin air.

No white man has ever been there

and come out since Alexander.

Alexander who?

Alexander the Great, king of Greece.

If a Greek can do it, we can do it.

Right.

I can only repeat,

you're a pair of lunatics!

Would a pair of lunatics

draw up a contract like this?

"This contract between us, pursuing

and witnesseth in the name of God.

One:
We will settle this together,

i.e., to be kings of Kafiristan.

Two:
We will not, while this

is being settled, look at liquor...

...or any woman, so as to get mix ed

up with one or the other harmful.

Three:
We act

with dignity and discretion.

If one is in trouble, the other stays

by him. Signed by us this day."

There's no need for the last article,

but it's got a ring to it.

Daniel.

Now, you witness it and it's legal.

Well, gentlemen,

it's 4 in the morning.

Don't stand on politeness. If you want

to go to bed, we won't steal anything.

Thank you.

We'll send word when we're ready

to go, if you want to say goodbye.

Yes. Well, try not to burn

the place down.

Here we are.

"Kafiristan. 10, 000 square miles.

Mountainous terrain.

Religion unknown. Population unknown.

Conquered by Alexander in 328 B.C.

According to Herodotus,

he defeated King Oxyartes...

...whose daughter Roxanne

he subsequently took to wife."

You buy from me,

I give you good price.

Very cheap, very nice things for you,

especially for you, sir.

Our forward continuance is impeded

by this fellow, who is begging...

...you will accompany him that he may

show you a rare and wonderful thing.

- What thing?

- He would not say what thing.

Therefore, I suspect

his bad intentions...

...to entice you into

a house of disreputation...

...where he will take you,

kill you, murder you...

...cut your throat and rob the money

from your pockets also.

Crikey!

- Wait at the office!

- Sir, please!

Myself, I will take you

to a loving house.

You will be very happy

and delightful...

Morning to you, brother.

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