The Last Word Page #6

My way is better.

I know you think that,

but this is what libraries do.

Just because that's

the way it's always been

don't mean I give a sh*t.

There's nothing wrong

with the Dewey Decimal System.

Having to write down

some six-digit number

with a decimal

just to find a book,

don't tell me that makes sense.

What the f*** do I

need with the decimal?

Just want to read a book.

That's the juvenile delinquent

I'll put my mark on.

You arranged every book

in alphabetical order.

You should be thanking me.

Hello.

Uh, Wanda.

You know, when you utter

profanity in public like that,

you risk others thinking

that you're too uneducated

to find the right words.

Who the hell are you?

How about, "I'm sorry.

Have we met before?"

I ain't sorry.

Just want to know who's

getting all up in my business.

Well, I know

that I am the world's

least qualified fairy godmother,

but it is me who is getting

up all in your business.

Da f***?

You see, instead of "Da f***,"

why don't you just

say, "Excuse me?"

What do you want?

What do you want?

Oh, I see.

It's community service.

You got busted for

drunk driving. Didn't you?

Now, what on Earth

made you think that?

You're white.

And you're here.

This is true.

However, I'm here

of my own accord.

No obligation at all.

To try to get to know you

and to impart my considerable

breadth of knowledge.

You want to teach me some sh*t.

You want to teach me some stuff.

Seems like we've already begun.

Oh, sh*t. Sorry.

Ugh.

Let me move this

trash.

What are you doing?

This is a collection of essays.

Yeah, they're mine.

Am I supposed to assume that you

care about things... Christ.

Besides writing

about dead people?

You can assume

whatever you want.

That's how I generally operate.

Yeah, no sh*t.

What do you care?

I never said I did care.

Okay, well, in the interest

of me getting back to my life,

what do... What do you

think your wild card

could end up being?

How about this?

"Harriet Lauler, ultimate

lover of clean cars,

"died this afternoon after

contracting a staph infection

"from inside

a Volvo station wagon."

All right.

I'll take that as a "no."

Get in the car!

No!

All right, all right,

I'm just going to

drive away with your purse.

Put this trash back here.

Bye.

Ugh!

That's what I thought.

Oh, God.

Would you like

to come in for some tea?

What? Tea! Would

you like some tea?

Sure.

Well, good. Come.

Okay.

Holy sh*t, Harriet.

Oh! I forgot I had those.

You forgot you had

an extensive collection

of records?

Yeah.

What?

You forgot about this?

Yes.

God, '50s, '60s, '70s.

Where's the rest? Did you...

Did you start collecting CDs?

No. I'd rather listen

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