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The Last Word Page #6
My way is better.
I know you think that,
but this is what libraries do.
Just because that's
the way it's always been
don't mean I give a sh*t.
There's nothing wrong
with the Dewey Decimal System.
Having to write down
some six-digit number
with a decimal
just to find a book,
don't tell me that makes sense.
What the f*** do I
need with the decimal?
Just want to read a book.
That's the juvenile delinquent
I'll put my mark on.
in alphabetical order.
Hello.
Uh, Wanda.
You know, when you utter
profanity in public like that,
you risk others thinking
that you're too uneducated
to find the right words.
Who the hell are you?
How about, "I'm sorry.
Have we met before?"
I ain't sorry.
Just want to know who's
getting all up in my business.
Well, I know
that I am the world's
least qualified fairy godmother,
but it is me who is getting
up all in your business.
Da f***?
You see, instead of "Da f***,"
why don't you just
say, "Excuse me?"
What do you want?
What do you want?
Oh, I see.
It's community service.
You got busted for
drunk driving. Didn't you?
Now, what on Earth
made you think that?
You're white.
And you're here.
This is true.
However, I'm here
of my own accord.
No obligation at all.
To try to get to know you
and to impart my considerable
breadth of knowledge.
You want to teach me some sh*t.
You want to teach me some stuff.
Seems like we've already begun.
Oh, sh*t. Sorry.
Ugh.
Let me move this
trash.
What are you doing?
This is a collection of essays.
Yeah, they're mine.
Am I supposed to assume that you
care about things... Christ.
Besides writing
about dead people?
You can assume
whatever you want.
That's how I generally operate.
Yeah, no sh*t.
What do you care?
I never said I did care.
Okay, well, in the interest
of me getting back to my life,
what do... What do you
think your wild card
could end up being?
How about this?
"Harriet Lauler, ultimate
lover of clean cars,
"died this afternoon after
contracting a staph infection
"from inside
All right.
I'll take that as a "no."
Get in the car!
No!
All right, all right,
I'm just going to
drive away with your purse.
Put this trash back here.
Bye.
Ugh!
That's what I thought.
Oh, God.
Would you like
to come in for some tea?
What? Tea! Would
you like some tea?
Sure.
Well, good. Come.
Okay.
Holy sh*t, Harriet.
Oh! I forgot I had those.
You forgot you had
an extensive collection
of records?
Yeah.
What?
Yes.
God, '50s, '60s, '70s.
Where's the rest? Did you...
Did you start collecting CDs?
No. I'd rather listen
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"The Last Word" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 15 Jun 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_last_word_20658>.
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