The Last Straight Man Page #4

Does this mean you

don't want the 5O bucks?

No.

I'm sorry.

I'm just not used to so

much drama from my tricks.

You're such a dick.

The word you're looking

for is John, not dick.

Now go put something pretty on,

and let's get some breakfast.

Lewis, can you set your phaser

to serious for one minute?

OK, let's hear it.

Here what?

L'm not gay.

I like women.

I was just, dot, dot, dot.

Choose from the following.

A, curious.

B, drunk.

C, horny.

Followed up by and there was a

willing mouth in the room so.

Lewis, I liked it.

OK?

I wouldn't have

done it otherwise.

But I'm getting married today.

Oh, I should've

made that choice D.

Look, I'm not gonna

freak out or run away.

And I'm not gonna say that

we can't be buddies anymore.

You're my best friend.

And if anything, this just

made me feel closer to you.

Except for the kissing.

Well I got to save

something for my wife.

OK.

She can have your feet.

I don't like feet.

Feet are suspicious.

They never look you in the eye.

Lewis, it was fun.

And I'm glad that

it was with you.

But once is enough.

You can't stop at just one.

Think of me as your personal

bag of potato chips.

You both make

my fingers greasy.

Good one, straight boy.

Hey, Ted?

Yeah, it's Cooper.

I need you to come pick me up.

I'm still at the hotel.

Yeah, I got drunk

and passed out.

All right.

OK.

All right, I'll meet you

out front in a few minutes.

Bye.

L 90':
to go.

Fflends?

Of course.

With benefits?

Ass.

OK, kiss me goodbye.

How about a hug?

I'll take it.

See you later?

Yes, you will.

Your nose smells like tuna.

Love you, Lewis.

Love you, Coop.

[music playing]

What are you doing?

Testing my camera skills.

Are we changing professions?

No, I thought I'd make a

sexy video with the wife.

I just wanted to

test it out first.

I'll erase it.

That's an expensive sex toy.

I got it for the baby.

The baby needs a sex toy?

The birth.

I'm recording the birth.

That's your idea

of a sexy video?

Or is it just the third

act of a story arc?

Dick.

The wife liked your

latest book, by the way.

They all say that.

When's it due?

In a couple of weeks.

Congratulations!

Thanks.

Let's drink a toast.

Shots.

You go ahead without me.

What?

We have to drink a toast.

Come on.

[inaudible].

Uh, yeah.

Tell me When.

That's, that's great.

Yeah, too much.

That's the point.

Here.

To my son.

You know the sex?

Yeah, for awhile now.

You didn't say anything.

Are you excited?

Not yet, but

I'm getting there.

Get off.

I meant about the baby.

Being a father.

Having a son.

[Sigh]

I'm so excited, I

could sh*t a crowbar.

H 9Y-

All new fathers get nervous.

What if I sit on him?

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