The Last of the Blonde Bombshells Page #4

I remember playing in the band

in the Metropole Ballroom.

Mares Eat Oats and Does Eat Oats

and knowing that at any minute...

...a large bomb could fall on my head

and blow us all to hell and back.

House rules said:

"You had to finish the tune

before you went to the air raid shelter."

That, my children,

is how you learn about real feelings.

I was more alive at that time

than before or since.

That's an alarming thing

to discover at my age.

I don't understand it. I don't expect you to.

Here's my lift.

Mum!

Who's he?

My fancy man.

There appears to be a man in her life.

Sorry to interrupt.

That man with the flowers, who is he?

Some old transvestite, I think.

- Do you know where you're going?

- Of course I do.

I don't remember this tunnel.

Oh, well.

So, the Metropole Ballroom...

...scene of our youthful happiness,

is now a carpet warehouse.

"A kid'll eat ivy, too

"If the words sound queer

And funny to your ear

"A little bit jumbled and jivey

"Sing mares eat oats

"And does eat oats

"And little lambs eat ivy

"Mares eat oats and does eat oats

And little lambs eat ivy

"A kid'll eat ivy, too

Wouldn't you?

"A kid'll eat ivy, too

Wouldn't you?"

I lied to my children.

Good. How else can they learn?

I told them we kept playing

even when the bombs were falling.

No, we didn't.

We ran like buggery to the air raid shelter.

"Mares eat oats and does eat oats

And little lambs eat ivy

"A kid'll eat ivy, too

Wouldn't you?

"A kid'll eat ivy, too

Wouldn't you?"

Do you know what would be lovely?

What?

To see them all again.

Don't be silly.

Maybe even to play together.

You should be put in a darkened room.

Come on.

It's brilliant and it's all the rage.

- What are you talking about?

- Reunion bands.

I mean, you've got The Stones,

The Who, Status Quo.

All those wrinklies from the 60's.

Always having reunion concerts...

...and going on world tours.

So, why not The Blonde Bombshells?

Where shall we play? The Albert Hall,

Shea Stadium, Hollywood Bowl?

Play at our next school dance.

I'm on the committee.

Let's assume

for the sake of argument that we...

...track down the survivors of the band

and prop 'em up in a line...

...and play some fragments

of ancient music.

Who would listen?

I would.

This is the BBC General Forces Program.

The BBC is proud to present

the most glamorous band...

...in all the land:

The Blonde Bombshells.

One, two, three, four.

Take it away!

How many cars do you own?

As many as I can borrow.

- Do we have to do this?

- Yes, we do.

Then we're going to need lots of flowers.

We can use the money

you lost at the dogs.

Vera?

Vera.

Do you remember me? Elizabeth.

And Patrick, you remember him.

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