The Lady in the Van Page #7

Miss Shepherd?

Miss Shepherd, are you all right?

Yes, yes. I think so.

What was it about?

It wasn't the police, was it?

No. They were louts, but if you choose to

live like this, it's what you must expect.

I didn't choose. I was chosen.

Well, that settles it.

You think?

I can't always be looking out for her.

I'm not her keeper.

I mean, what happens to work?

- I think she should either go or...

- Or what?

Or bring the van into the drive,

where we can forget about her.

Actually, that's why some men marry.

So they don't have to think any more

about their wives.

- That's not bad.

- Yes, except it's Proust.

Oh, yes.

And it'll only be for a few months,

until she decides where she's going.

It'll be easier, but it's not kindness.

No.

"Good nature,

or what is often considered as such,"

"is the most selfish of all virtues."

"It is nine times out of 10

mere indolence of disposition."

That's not you.

Hazlitt. And it's will. Pure will.

She's known what she's wanted all along.

The soul in question did confess

though in guarded terms

in Rome in Holy Year,

though I'm not sure

the priest understood English.

Do I look like a joy rider?

My child,

you have already been given absolution

for this particular sin.

I have given you it myself

on several occasions.

Have faith. Absolution

is not like a bus pass.

It does not run out.

Christ.

There's air freshener

behind the Virgin.

I thought we'd

finally got rid of her.

He's a saint.

Ralph was the same.

Some people are just kind.

- Kind?

- This is London, Ursula. Nobody's kind.

Yeah, that's true.

And now the old cow

has got a foot in the door. He's a fool.

- Who else would do it?

- Yes.

We might. It's just the girls-.

Pauline.

I'm just an unemployed actor, and I don't

know the lady, but can I ask something?

- What makes her Alan's problem?

- Quite.

Darling, she's a human being.

Only just.

Changing the subject.

When are we going to find Alan a girl?

Oh! Josephine's pregnant again.

Oh, no! Actually, I'm just trying to think

who Josephine is.

- The hamster.

- Jesus.

- Here we are.

- Ah!

We were just saying how grateful she'll be.

Yes.

Put the van in your drive?

That never occurred to me.

I don't know. I don't know.

It might not be convenient.

No, I've thought it over.

Believe me, Miss Shepherd, it's all right.

Just till you sort yourself out.

Well, not convenient for you!

Convenient for me.

You're not doing me a favour, you know.

I have got other fish to fry.

A man on the pavement told me

if I went south of the river,

I'd be welcomed with open arms.

I was about to do her a good turn,

but, as ever,

it was not without

thoughts of strangulation.

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