The Jerk Theory Page #3

...the customers can use the urinal. I won't

disturb them, they won't disturb me.

Take it easy. It's not here. It's in here.

I couldn't afford this anyway.

Well, this is it.

It's perfect!.

I won't have to change this at all!.

Take a look.

No kitchen, no windows,

no chairs, no tables.

It's a masterpiece of understatement.

I'll put a bed down here, get a bigger bulb.

I'll bring some sheets from the house.

You'll be set for life.

How much is this gonna cost me?

Nothing. When you're rich and famous,

you'll send me a postcard.

A postcard?

Okay!. It's a deal.

It's a deal.

What are those?

Step outside for a second, darling.

Navin, this is my wife Lenore.

Lenore, this is Navin.

Pleased to meet you.

Do you know why a woman

of such pulchritude is married to me?

'Cause l make a comfortable living.

This is the first time

l'm leaving you alone on a Sunday.

If anything should happen to this station,

this woman would leave me like a--

In other words, there would be no more....

-Do you know what l'm talking about?

-Yes, sir. No more....

So remember,

guard this station with your life...

...because my sex life is in your hands.

I can fix those shocks.

No. We just want some gas, muchacho.

Okay. But it's Sunday.

We've got to have a credit card.

And all the cash is locked up?

No, not locked up. We got a lot of cash.

Just that the banks are closed...

...and l'm not allowed to have cash

coming in or out.

I'm alone for the first time.

I don't want anything to happen.

You flash this kind of wad in front

of some people, they'll kill you for it.

So, we've got to have a credit card.

Have we got a credit card in there?

Credit card.

No, thanks. I don't smoke.

-What kind of cigarette is that?

-Joint.

Joint?

They don't make 'em very good.

-MasterCharge do?

-That's fine. We take MasterCharge.

You want a fill-up, Mrs. Nussbaum?

I'm Mr. Nussbaum.

Yeah, that's his wife's card.

-His wife's card?

-Yeah, l'll vouch for him.

Okay, as long as we got a voucher.

Stolen!.

I got it!. Just send a police car over.

Mrs. Nussbaum's credit card!.

I got the guys who stole it.

Hold on, they're calling me!.

I'll be right back!.

-Yes?

-Yeah, throw a couple of tires in the trunk.

Put it on the card. Radials.

-Make them whitewalls.

-Yes, sir, Mr. Nussbaum.

I'm back, only it's worse than l thought.

They're not only sticking us for gas,

but grabbing tires and everything.

They're really socking it to us.

Yeah, it's Hartounian's Gas Station

at the corner--

Hang on a second.

I don't want to get 'em suspicious.

Don't worry, l can keep 'em here.

I saw this trick in a movie.

-Got your tires!.

-Yeah, good.

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