The Jerk Theory

Synopsis: An aspiring recording artist, Adam, is burned by a bad relationship experience and decides that if women won't respond to the "nice guy" then he'll be "the jerk." This is wildly successful with meaningless relationships, but when Adam meets and falls for Molly, who doesn''t fall for his jerk routine, Adam is forced to reconsider his dating philosophy.
Genre: Comedy, Music, Romance
Director(s): Scott S. Anderson
Production: Arc Entertainment
 
IMDB:
5.6
PG-13
Year:
2009
93 min
Website
117 Views


I am not a bum.

I'm a jerk.

I once had wealth...

...power...

...and the love of a beautiful woman.

Now l only have two things...

...my friends...

...and...

...my thermos.

My story?

Okay.

It was never easy for me.

I was born a poor black child.

I remember the days...

...sitting on the porch with my family...

...singing and dancing...

...down in Mississippi.

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Gonna jump down, turn around

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Gonna jump down, turn around

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Jump down, turn around

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Jump down, turn around

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Me and my buddy gonna

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Me and my buddy gonna

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Me and my buddy gonna

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Me and my buddy gonna

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Oh, lordy

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Gonna get on my knees

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Gonna get on my knees

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Gonna move all around

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Gonna move all around

-"Pick a bale a day

-"You want a barebacked man

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"You want a barebacked man

-"Pick a bale a day

-"Jump down, turn around

-"Pick a bale of cotton

-"Jump down, turn around

-"Pick a bale a day"

Boy, l hope everybody's good and hungry.

-I know l am.

-And l'm ready for that.

Here's corn bread.

Collard greens.

And l cooked up those hog maws you like.

Mother, dear,

ain't we forgetting something?

No, l'm not. Today is Navin's birthday.

Happy birthday!.

It's Navin's birthday!.

And l cooked you up your favorite meal.

Tuna fish salad on white bread

with mayonnaise...

...a Tab and a couple of Twinkies.

-Here, darling.

-Mom, thanks.

You're gonna like that shit, man.

I got you a present.

-Gee, Elvira.

-I made it myself.

We got you something, too. A half bottle

of lilac vegetal. It's from both of us.

I drew you this picture.

-Here.

-Thank you.

I want you to have my Zippo.

Dad, you had this since the war.

Thanks.

Thanks, everybody.

God bless us...

...everyone.

Navin!.

Will you pass me the potatoes

and the collard greens?

-Navin, darling.

-I'm sorry l spoiled the party, Mom.

You didn't spoil the party.

I brought you a Twinkie.

I'm not hungry right now.

Feeling different again?

It's like l don't fit in.

It's like l don't belong here.

It's your birthday, and it's time you knew.

You're not our natural-born child.

I'm not?

You were left on our doorstep...

...but we raised you

like you were one of us.

You mean l'm going to stay this color?

I'd love you if you were the color

of a baboon's ass. Come here.

Navin, l wrapped your sandwich

in cellophane, just like you like it.

You want to come in and sing some blues?

No, thanks, Taj.

There's something about those songs.

They depress me.

Come here, darling.

That's it, darling.

You're getting the rhythm. See?

And that concludes

this Sunday night Gospel Hour...

...live from the

Four Square Gospel Church...

...at the Divine Salvation

in St. Louis, Missouri.

The Reverend Willard Willman, Pastor.

And now, music throughout the night.

Music in a mellow mood.

-Grandma!.

-What happened?

-Look!.

-What happened?

Don't touch that radio!. Don't touch it!.

Turn it up!. Turn it up!.

I've never heard music like this before!.

It speaks to me!. Taj!. Dad!.

This is unbelievable. Now watch.

Yeah?

Well, if this is out there,

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    "The Jerk Theory" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 15 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_jerk_theory_20553>.

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