The Jeff Dunham Show Page #3

Season #1 Episode #1

Genre: Comedy

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Year:: 2009
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Achmed:
Good night Cleveland! Dammit.
Achmed:
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Jeff:
So, Achmed, how's your stand-up career going?
Achmed:
Oh, pretty good. I've been performing at the
Kabul Chuckle Dungeon.
Jeff:
The "Kabul Chuckle Dungeon"?
Achmed:
Yes, every Thursday is ladies night.
Jeff:
Really?
Achmed:
You gotta trade in a lady for a drink. Walter calls it whores for Heinekens". No? "Hooters for shooters"? "Virgins for vodka"? "Skanks for Screwdrivers"
Jeff:
Achmed..
Achmed:
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
Walter:
I wonder if Dunham is gonna go nuts like Chapelle. I heard Africa is nice this time of year.
Peanut:
Coming up next, me, Peanut, surfing the skanky waters of the L.A. dating scene. Plus the genius lures a guy into bed. Well, truckbed.. It's complicated.
Jeff:
How you doing, Peanut?
Peanut:
I'm doing pretty good, how 'bout you?
Jeff:
I'm fine
Peanut:
That's good that's good that's gooood!
Jeff:
Well Peanut, it's great to have you in my TV show.
Peanut:
"Your" TV show? Excuse me, this is "my" TV show.
Jeff:
No.
Peanut:
Yeah.
Jeff:
No.
Peanut:
Yeah.
Jeff:
No.
Peanut:
YEAH.
Jeff:
No.
Peanut:
YEEEEEEEEEES.
Jeff:
What is that big sign right there?
Peanut:
A typo?
Jeff:
Did you see the parking place with my name on it?
Peanut:
Oh yeah.
Jeff:
Right?
Peanut:
Handicapped.
Jeff:
That's not funny.
Peanut:
Then why are they laughing?
Jeff:
So Peanut, are you enjoying Southern California?
Peanut:
Oh, dude, I gotta tell you that California girls can
not get enough of the lavender lover! I tell you what, I got the Hollywood hotties melting at the thought of going out with me.
Jeff:
That's not the way I remember it.
Jeff:
Peanut?
Peanut:
What?
Jeff:
You remember my publicist, Elaine?
Peanut:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And, look, if you wanna meet celebrities, she's THE ONE to talk to.
"Hi, it's a pleasure to see you."
Peanut:
Oh, now look, Elaine, I want to have a celebrity girlfriend now. I wanna meet one now!
"So, who are you looking for?"
Peanut:
Someone that's hot and freakin' famous!
"Ok, so hot and freaking famous."
Peanut:
Hooot.
"Well, who were you thinking of?"
Peanut:
The Olsen twins! They're my size.
"They're little."
Peanut:
They're little, they kinda look like me too, look!
"You'd make a good trio."
Peanut:
Tri..? Awesome!
"But no.. What about Brooke Hogan?"
Peanut:
Brooke Hogan? The one whose CD we've been listening to in the car? "The Redemption". Available now, in stores everywhere. That woman sings like an angel,
and she's stacked like two golden towers of flapjacks. Give it a shot, Elaine.

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Jeff Dunham

Jeffrey "Jeff" Dunham (born April 18, 1962) is an American ventriloquist and comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. He has six specials that run on Comedy Central: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself, Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity, Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters, and Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map. Dunham also starred in The Jeff Dunham Show, a series on the network in 2009.His style has been described as "a dressed-down, more digestible version of Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". Describing his characters, Time magazine said, "All of them are politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered." Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen.Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" by Slate.com, and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009 (his introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time). A Very Special Christmas Special was the most-watched telecast in Comedy Central history, with its DVD selling over 400,000 in its first two weeks. Forbes.com ranked Dunham as the third highest-paid comedian in the United States behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, and reported that he was one of the highest-earning comics from June 2008 to June 2009, earning approximately $30 million during that period. Dunham also does occasional acting roles. He achieved the Guinness Book of World Records record for "Most tickets sold for a stand-up comedy tour" for his Spark of Insanity tour, performing in 386 venues worldwide. more…

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The Jeff Dunham Show Page #3

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