The Interestings Page #3

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Get some air, see people.

I see people everyday

in the park with Rorie.

I'm on a first-name

basis with every nanny

and alcoholic mom on

the Upper West Side.

Everyone's gonna be asking for you.

Jules, I've got the interview tomorrow.

- I just want to veg.

- Veging's good. Wish I could veg.

Probably gonna be a snooze fest anyway.

You know how Ethan

goes on at these things.

You look nice.

Can you see it's ripped in the shoulder?

- No, not at all.

- Thank God for safety pins.

Say hi to the gang for me.

Tell them we'll have

dinner soon. I'll cook.

Hey, listen. Be good and do

everything your daddy says.

Okay? I'll be home when you wake up.

You forgot to kiss Daddy.

Pucker up, Daddy.

I love you.

Don't obsess, hmm?

I love you, too.

Take a straight and stronger course

To the corner of your life

Make the white queen run so fast

[chuckles]

I mean, Ethan is a great guy, I know.

He is incredibly smart.

- And totally honest.

- So is Winnie the Pooh,

- but I wouldn't f*** him.

- You're horrible.

- I'm serious.

- Sorry.

Look, it's nothing personal.

It's just the truth.

People are attracted to their

own levels of attractiveness.

Like me and your brother,

and you and Jonah.

I mean, Ethan will

probably end up with someone

incredibly brilliant

and badly disfigured.

Cathy!

She's horrible.

Seriously, you wouldn't go

out with him if he asked you?

I don't know. I don't think so.

- Would you?

- Ash and Ethan?

[chuckles]

I mean that's like Beauty and the Beast.

I don't know.

I can't imagine myself with

anyone other than Jonah.

Yeah. Okay.

We're just so right

for each other, you know?

Jesus, Jonah, get a room.

Guess who finally agreed

to move in with me?

- Who?

- Me. It's me.

Really? Oh, my God!

- It's about time.

- Some things can't be rushed.

I admire your perseverance.

If he had let you go,

we were all ready to have

an intervention again.

You've got such fabulous friends.

God bless that f*ggot camp you went to.

[applause]

Congratulations to the

winners of our silent auction,

- especially the new owner of...

- [crowd groaning]

The Wally Figman punching bag!

[cheering]

Certain to save you

thousands in therapy bills.

But if you leave here with

nothing but our gratitude,

just know that what you're doing tonight

is making a real difference.

If you don't believe me,

ask the true conscience

of the Figman Foundation,

my beautiful wife, Ash Wolf.

[applause]

Ash has seen firsthand what

Doctors Without Borders...

I can't believe you guys were a thing.

It was never that sexual.

- We were more like...

- Sisters?

- I was gonna say lesbians.

- [stifled laughter]

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