The Hottie & the Nottie Page #4

You've really been thinking

about June.

Yeah.

That's so sweet.

And l gotta tell you

l am sickened by the fact

that none of these narrow

minded a**holes

can see how beautiful she is just

"cause they can't get past

some infected toenails

and some backne, you know.

l know.

l feel the same way.

And l think l have found

the perfect guy for her.

What's his name?

Who?

The guy that's perfect for June.

That guy.

His name is...

Cole Slaw...son.

Cole Slawsen.

A good friend, of a friend.

And that guy's name is Mike.

All real.

So it's the four of us.

Wouldn't you consider

that a double date?

Well, we can throw

them in the pit together

and hope they come out alive.

Or we could lead them

into a friendship that

blossoms into a lifetime of love

lt would be a major step

if we could get her laid.

Right.

The whole lifetime of love

thing would just be a bonus.

lt's just that...she never has...

And l think a life without orgasms

is like a world without flowers.

l couldn't agree with you more.

Yeah, l do. l do.

No. No. Go.

Other side.

Oh yeah.

Take it.

Okay, listen.

-No. No.

-Okay.

What if l were to tell you

that you could still

make the $500 bucks

but all you had to do was go out

on a few dates with a woman.

Does she have a vagina?

Yeah.

Actually, you're gonna have to

let me know if it goes that far?

ls this woman you in a dress?

No. No. This is a real woman.

But l have to be honest.

She's not necessarily pretty.

None of my girlfriends

have been pretty.

Good.

This is nice.

l'm gonna have her legs

behind her head.

Get her dude.

Oh, these are shoulder blades.

l thought they were wings.

l noticed you from across the bar.

And do you know what the

first thing l thought was?

Her daddy must be a baker "cause

she's got such a nice set of buns?

Do you really think

that all it takes

is a few hair plugs

some porcelain veneers

$250 jeans...to impress a girl

like Cris?

Or didn't that occur to you

while you were schlepping away

your days at the Porsche dealership.

to afford a few more of those

personal enhancements

Which, by the way,

will never hide that you

haven't been laid by anybody

you haven't had to pay for

in over a year.

So why don't you and your starry

head full of doll's hair

take a little walk back to the bar,

have another shot of Jager

And give my friend some space in

case a real man comes by, huh?

Who told you

l used to sell Porsches?

What?

What'd l tell you?

Pay our bar tab, b*tch.

What did she say?

Oh god, they're here.

Oh my god, they're here.

God, l'm so nervous.

Don't be nervous.

Just do as l said.

Right.

Keep drinking.

Well that...and just be yourself.

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