The Hardy Bucks Movie Page #3

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like the penis comes

back inside to the...

I'm just coming inside the womb.

That's where the f***ing slaves

are going to be driving me.

The dining room. I would

use the dining area

to wine and dine chicks

I've brought back

before taking them up

to the f***ing bedrooms

located at the front,

the rear, and even there.

It's good to make them feel like

they're being wined and dined because

then they'll do extra

stuff to your jimmy.

Vulvazela. Jingle bells. A wig.

I'm just going to be the

biggest fan out there.

Shitter. Now the bedroom.

This is the clitoris

of the vulva vehicle.

But, uh...

What's this?

"Dear Viper... " From f***ing Stateside

and Dragon. It's a joke, isn't it?

"We made a mistake, Viper.

"Myself and Stateside

"would rather drive rusty nails

into each other's c*cks

"than spend three weeks

trapped in a van with you.

"P.S. We took your 400 euro

which you owed us, you prick. "

"P.P.S...

"Stateside left you a present in the

toilet which may have blocked it. "

Yeah, I know well.

I'd say the jig is up now, boys.

In the toilet, eh? Hiding in the

one place I couldn't find you, eh?

I bet you're f***ing...

Okay, Edward, can you tell me

how this happened?

Well, I was out doing a bit of shopping

for the elderly, minding me own business,

next thing, I fell over

these frozen turkeys.

- Frozen turkeys?

- Yeah.

Fourteen or 15 of them just thrown

there in the aisle.

Slipped on one, banged me head

off the other one.

It was like the fall

of Saigon, you know?

- What a bizarre accident.

- I know.

And do they know who

put the turkeys there?

No, they do not.

Someone threw a jacket over

the CCTV camera.

I know, isn't it awful?

Terrible.

But look, doctor, I don't want to be

dragged through the courts on this.

No, I just want a quick over

the counter settlement job, you know?

Listen, Edward,

I'm not a lawyer, all right?

- Yeah.

- If you want to jump on the bed,

I'll have a look at you and then

we'll send you down for an X-ray.

- An X-ray?

- Yeah.

- For what?

- Just to assess the damage,

pinpoint any fractures.

I thought you couldn't

prove neck pain?

No, no, no, you're

thinking of back pain.

Stateside, it's Viper.

Where the f*** are you, man?

Why's it going to voicemail?

Yeah, Dragon, where the f*** are you,

man? Four hours now.

The joke has gone flat.

The joke has gone flat!

We've got a f***ing ferry to catch

in a few hours. I'm nearly crying.

You're f***ing me up, Dragon.

You're f***ing me up huge style.

And by the time you get this I'll be at

Dublin Port, so please, if you do...

If you can make it,

do f***ing come along.

Well, Eddie.

Don't be breaking the door,

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