The Hardy Bucks Movie

Synopsis: Eddie Durkan, the self-proclaimed leader of the 'Bucks is dreading spending another summer bored out of his skull. Ireland has qualified for the Euros in Poland, but with no money and apathetic mates, the task falls to Eddie to get them out of Castletown and onto the road in search of football and the craic.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
89 min

Robbie Keane with the chance.

Keane takes it and scores.

Poland and the Ukraine,

are you ready for us?

All right, lads. Come here, okay.

Salmon, refreshments.

There's men who need their hydration

here, Salmon, come on.

Come on, Salmon, hurry up.

What's going on with us?

It's nine all.

- Sure, we know that.

- We should have this in the bag.

In the bag? Sure, I saw The Viper

slip the ref a nodge of hash.

- The ref?

- At the car park.


I bought that man 20 euros

worth of pints last night.

F***ing can't trust anyone any more.

- Come on, Salmon. Good man.

- All right-a-f***ing boy!

Salmon, you could have got

something a bit less alcoholic.

See, this is your problem,

Toastie, you've gone soft.

You won't take a drink and you

wonder why we don't play you.

You cannot have a sober man on the pitch.

It's not me who made up the rules.

If you're out there sober,

you're a danger.


it's not safe for your team,

it's not safe for the other

wankers on the pitch.

He's only being sound.

Can you imagine if Barry Macey

was f***ing refereeing?

- Oh, don't even start that now.

- Oh.

You wouldn't kick a ball

if you passed the breathaliser.

How's it going?

Eddie Durkan here.

Well, this is Castletown, my home.

Look, it's pissing rain and that's June.

How depressing.

There's no women, there's no work,

and no craic.

Not like the craic

these boys are having.

See, the one bit of good

news is that Ireland

have qualified for the

Euros out in Poland.

And if I was any right man,

I'd be out there, too.

But A, my mates are f***ing useless.

And B, I'm skint.

Last time we qualified

was years ago

and my Uncle Mick was out there

and he said it was a great craic.

Look at him. He's like a cross between

Liam Neeson and Samuel Beckett.

Man's a f***ing legend.

This'll take me back 24 years.

Germany, '88.

Jaysus, we had the time

of our lives.

Sh*t, Germany wasn't

ready for us at all.

And they were never ready for the feckin'

eighty percent proof poitin, neither.

Seth and the boys brought over

a couple of gallons of poitin

and we were selling them off in

small little bottles to the Germans.

We were making a small fortune

until we got caught out.

Lucky enough I could see by

the old Sergeant Major's nose

that he was fond of

a drop himself.

I gave him a litre.

You know what he said?

"Fair play to you lads,"

gave me a tap on the back

and says, "Off you go. "

Hey, he's a good uncle,

isn't he?

Hep-a-shout-out and f***ing

little bad f***ing yeah

What's the craic.

Belleth door, press now.

Hello, what's the craic?

Is your brother in there?

He's committed himself to a

rehabilitation clinic in Galway.

- For?

- For addiction to hash.

Do I look like I came down

in the last shower?

- Addiction to hash?

- He kept having hallucinations.

That sounds like class craic, man.

Are you saying the

drugs don't work?

Who are you man, Neil Ashcroft?



That means the gear is solid.

Mental gear solid,

and I'm solid shnake.

If the brother isn't around,


then the family's gonna

have to pay top dollar.

So if you can go and get some

money for me, that'll be...

That'll be sound.

Beaten by a child.

Why didn't you crack

some shkull, man?

A bit f***ing harsh,

he's only twelve.

You're meant to be

the hired goons, boys.

I don't hire Blubberpuss and

Edward Leatherhands for nothing, man.

Top dollar I'm paying ye.

And there is the final

whistle. The final score in Poznan.

Bitter, bitter disappointment.

Ireland one, Croatia three.

Yeah, well, look at the craic

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    "The Hardy Bucks Movie" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Oct. 2021. <>.

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