The Guilt Trip Page #3

since then. Right?

You know what it

comes down to?

It comes down to

M&M's in bed.

Yeah, because when...

Those years I was with your father,

you know?

I would hide them under

my pillow until he fell asleep

so I could eat them

without being criticized.

And I will never hide

my M&M's again.

It really makes a lot of sense,

-when you put it like that.

-It does.

That's a good reason

to give up on men altogether.

- Listen... You know what?

- Because of candy.

You're one to give

advice, honey?

I mean, why aren't

you with someone?

- You know what it is, Ma?

- What?

I just haven't found a girl

who'll let me eat M&M's

in bed at night.

Stop it!

I mean, seriously, why is that

a legitimate excuse for you

and not for me?

You say the same thing.

Because I've had my marriage.

I've had my family.

I've been to the dance

and now I am tired.

You are skipping the

dance altogether!

Maybe you need therapy.

Yeah. It helps me.

I don't need therapy.

And since when do

you go to therapy?

Anita and I meet

once a week for coffee.

Well, unless you two are meeting

a therapist for coffee,

then you're not going to therapy,

'cause Anita's a librarian.

I'll tell you what we

mostly talk about...

- Yeah?

-...Is why I blame myself

for your deep-seated problems

with women.

Good. You talk to Anita

about my deep-seated

problems with women

that you've imagined. Yeah.

Sometimes I feel like

I ruined it for you.

You know what? I know.

I know you do.

You know why?

Because you set the bar so high

for all other women,

that no one lives up to my mom.

No, it's not that.

It is. I'm going to sleep, Ma. Okay?

No, I... Anita says

I should tell you about

the boy I fell in love with in Florida.

The what?

It's time you know

this about me, Andy.

Know what?

Well, there was this

incident in my life

that I really never told you about.

I went to Florida on vacation.

I was very young,

Okay. Good.

And I met a boy,

and I fell in love with him.

Yeah.

Honestly, Andy, I fell in love

with him kind of instantly.

Okay-

He lived in Manhattan, too.

And so we came back and

we started seeing each other.

He didn't want anything serious,

but I was just caught up with this...

Oh, the passion of it all!

Andy, we were so passionate.

Feel free to skim over those

details as much as you want.

- I won't gross you out.

- Yeah. That's cool.

I mean, he didn't want to be

serious, really, at the time.

But I wanted a family, I wanted a baby.

That's all I ever really wanted.

And so, eventually,

your father came along.

What about the guy from...

You met in Florida?

Well, he became boyfriend number one

and your dad became

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