The Grand Seduction Page #3

thing and it's not another!

If you hear the church bell ringin'

and it ain't the Sunday mornin',

it's because of the town meetin'.

And if there's a town meetin',

it's because the town bloody

well needs a town meetin'!

It's your civic duty to be there!

Okay.

First order of business.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am pleased to announce

that a doctor is comin' to

Tickle Head for one month.

We have exactly one month

to convince our good

doctor to sign long term.

Because we have just heard

that if the doctor chooses

to stay here in Tickle Head,

we gets the factory!

Eh?

We get a doctor,

the factory is a done deal.

- Ah!

- Right?

- Done deal!

- What is this factory?

Herbert, we have been

through this 100 times.

It is a petrochemical by-product

repurposing facility.

What does the factory make?

It's very simple, Herbert.

They take petrochemical waste

from the oil rigs and such

and, uh...

I don't know. They make jobs.

They make full-time

jobs for everyone.

Who wants to earn a paycheque?

Who wants to shove the welfare cheque

right up the government's arse?

Who wants to work again?

Well, raise your hands.

Raise your hands!

There you go! Yes!

Raise your hands, yes!

Yes!

Okay.

Now, we have one month

to make our man here,

Dr. Paul Lewis, believe.

One month to make him

believe like a child,

believe that Tickle Head is the

finest place on Earth to call home.

One month.

There's a whole lot of stuff on

the beach. We can actually...

We need a big, big cleanup.

We do need a big cleanup.

We do. We gotta get some

young fellas out there.

Murray, it's not a done deal.

And then the whole

beautification process,

you know, you were saying, like,

maybe paint her up a little bit and...

But it has to be more

than that, you know?

The whole harbour has to

be tailor-made for him.

So we must have a

cocaine-friendly village.

Murray, it's not a done deal.

It's nowhere near being a done deal.

I didn't say "done deal".

Yeah, you said "done deal"!

Well, I need people

to believe in this.

Yeah, but it's a lie.

Well, right now, lies is all we got.

- It's gotta be love at first sight.

- That's right.

Every detail is important.

For example, Mr. Mayor said

the doctor loves cricket.

- Cricket, cricket?

- Yeah.

That's disgusting.

- I mean, sushi is bad enough.

- No, cricket!

The sport! Cricket!

The sport, for God's sake!

The sport!

They, like, race 'em?

No, it's with a ball and the flat bat.

Have you never seen it?

- No!

- It's a game.

They must be some small

bats, what! Crickets!

- Listen. Yeah, listen.

- What else we got?

There's a whole slew of houses

down there that need some work...

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