The Goodbye Girl Page #5

laundry, linens and phone bills.

I would appreciate some quiet

between 6:
00 and 9:00...

...as that is when Lucy does her homework.

I don't care what you drink or smoke...

...as long as it is not grass

in front of my 10-year-old daughter.

- Do we have everything straight?

- No!

- No?

- I'm not crazy about the arrangements.

- You're not?

- Definitely not!

I'm paying the rent. I'll make the rules.

I like to take showers every morning

and I don't like panties drying on the rod!

I like to cook, so I'll use the kitchen

whenever I damn well please.

I'm very particular about my condiments,

so keep your salt and pepper to yourself!

I play the guitar in the middle of the night

when I can't sleep.

I meditate every morning

with chanting and burning incense...

...so if you must walk around

I'd appreciate tiptoeing.

Also, I sleep in the nude, a-buff-o...

...winter and summer, rain or snow,

with the windows open.

Because I may have to go to the potty

or the fridge in the middle of the night...

...and because I don't want to put on

jammies, which I don't own anyway...

...unless you want a thrill,

or your girl an advanced education...

...l'd keep my door closed.

Them's my rules and regulations.

How does that grab you?

- If I say no?

- I got a lawyer acquaintance downtown!

- I accept!

- We're movin' along.

I don't like it and I don't think I like you!

- 'Cause I'm an actor?

- Coupled with your personality.

That's probably why we were

thrown together. One of God's little jests!

Now if you'll move your shapely little fanny

out of my room...

...l'll unpack and dry my beard.

- You forgot to say good night.

- I was working on goodbye.

Unbelievable!

How long is he gonna stay?

As long as he lets us.

- Go to the bathroom.

- I don't have to go now.

Then save it till morning.

It's not safe out there.

Good night.

No kiss?

I'm angry. I don't want to lose it!

Christ!

Listen to that. Did that guitar wake you?

No, you did.

Sorry.

Is he gonna play that thing all night?

- Put a pillow over your ear.

- I'll smother.

It's better than that guitar.

Who is it?

- Very funny. May I come in?

- Door's open.

- Are you decent?

- I am decent.

Do you realize it is 3:00 in the morning

and my daughter...

Jesus Christ, you're naked!

I thought you said you were decent.

I am decent! I also happen to be naked.

Mr. Garfield, I have

a growing daughter inside...

...who won't grow

on two hours of sleep a night.

Do you have to play that thing at this hour?

I told you it helps me fall asleep.

- Have you ever tried pills?

- I don't know how to play "pills."

It's not hard!

You pop them in your mouth and swallow.

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