The Goodbye Girl Page #3

She knows this for a fact because

she lived with him, prior to Paula and Lucy.

Now, can we continue this conversation

in a drier room, Miss McFadden?

Take your problems up

with the Housing Authority!

Don't hang up!

Please? I don't have any more change.

I'm soaked to the bone,

and I have a very low threshold for disease.

Look, I don't know what Tony told you, but...

...he's got my money, and I got a lease,

and you got the apartment.

Now one of us got screwed!

Let me rephrase that.

We have to talk this out,

and I am in no condition...

...financial or health-wise,

to look for a hotel in the pouring rain.

If there's any such thing as the 78th St. Flu,

I think I've got it.

Why not take a shot in a convenient place?

Five minutes...

...that's all I'm asking! What is it?

In about 30 seconds we're gonna get cut off.

My number's 873-5261.

It's a flooded booth on Amsterdam Avenue.

If you have any compassion

in your heart whatsoever...

I'm tryin', Operator!

Any compassion in your heart,

you'll call me back. 873-5261.

That number again is 873-52... Oh, sh*t!

Hello, thank you!

Five minutes!

Leave your bags.

This isn't a permanent conversation.

- I'm dripping on your rug.

- It's been done before.

I'm sorry, I didn't know there were going

to be any complications.

There's a lot of that going around.

I don't blame you for being hostile.

I get the picture.

Tony rented me the apartment

and split with the money.

Then you and your daughter got dumped on.

That is your version.

My version is that Tony and I

amicably end our relationship.

We agreed I'd keep the apartment

and you and your $600 got dumped on.

- Get the picture?

- Very sharp.

That's very sharp!

You're a sharp New York girl, right?

No, a dull Cincinnati kid.

But you get dumped on enough,

you start to develop an edge.

So what's the deal?

I got a lease in my pocket.

You gonna honor it or what?

I got a daughter in my bed.

That tops the lease in your pocket.

I don't want to get legal.

Legal happens to be on my side.

I happen to have

a lawyer acquaintance downtown.

Now all I gotta do is call

this lawyer acquaintance of mine...

What?

An actor. Another goddamn actor!

"I happen to have a lawyer acquaintance."

Right out of Streetcar Named Desire.

- Stanley Kowalski in summer stock, right?

- Wrong! Chicago in the dead of winter.

Three and a half months

at the Drury Lane Theater.

Ask an actor a question, you get his credits.

Reviews?

"Garfield brings to Kowalski dimensions

even Brando hadn't investigated!"

Terrific! You write beautifully!

Aren't you a little short to play Stanley?

Nobody noticed. I stood on a table.

Are you a critic?

No, I love actors, as long as they stay

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