The Fluffy Movie: Unity Through Laughter Page #5

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Problem with gastric bypass is that

if you don't stick to their

program religiously,

not only will you not lose weight,

you will gain weight,

and you'll have a series

of complications.

And then he asked,

"Do you travel a lot?"

I'm like, "I'm on the road

46 weeks out of the year."

He goes, "This is not

going to work for you."

I'm like, "I agree. I like two eggs."

I said, "Well, what should I do?"

He goes, "I don't know,

but this isn't going to work."

So I left the office.

I was bummed out, you guys.

I get in my car.

I was so depressed, because I'm like,

"Someone told me I

got two years to live.

"Surgery is my last hope."

And so I started crying.

I was sad. I was in

the car. I'm crying.

I'm like, "What the

hell am I going to do?"

And the only thing that could

cheer me up was a drive-through.

And I know that sounds crazy.

Some of you are like,

"Isn't that what got you

"in that position to begin with?"

Yes! But it's the only

thing that made sense.

There's a reason why it's called

"comfort food." Think about that.

Any time you see someone

eating a burger,

they never look sad.

They always look happy.

You might look sad walking in,

you might look sad walking out,

but when the actual event of

eating a burger is happening,

life couldn't be better.

That's right.

My girl told me that I make

sounds when I eat burgers.

I didn't know. Apparently I do.

I'm eating a burger, and I'm like...

She was like, "Are you eating that,

or are you eating that?"

Think about it. Who's sad when

they're eating fast food?

I'll tell you who's sad,

the person eating a salad,

watching someone eat fast food.

That's who's sad. You know?

So I pull up to this fast-food

restaurant with a big "M" on it.

And the guy on the speaker's like,

you know, "May I help you?"

And I'm crying. I'm like,

"You have no idea."

What I eventually wound up doing,

you guys, is I started low-carbing.

Now, I am not eating

healthy by no means, okay?

I still eat fast food every single day,

and people question it.

"How do you eat fast food

and lose 100 pounds?"

I'll give you an example.

I'll go to a burger place,

and I'll order a double cheeseburger.

I won't eat the bread.

I won't eat the onions,

the tomato, the ketchup.

I'll eat the meat, the cheese,

the mayo, the mustard,

and I'll order up to three with,

like, three diet sodas.

And people go, "That's unhealthy.

"The cholesterol's gonna kill you."

I agree. But guess what?

Cholesterol's gonna take

10 years to kill me.

Diabetes is going to do it in two.

Right now, I'm winning by eight.

Hell, yeah. That's called

"Fluffy math," bro.

There's a lot of people

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