The Extra Man Page #4

- Woman:
EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME, I HAD

MY EYE ON THAT FIRST.

THE DOORMAN WAS WATCHING

THIS PILE FOR ME.

Henry:

BLOODY HELL, I FORGOT I WAS TRASH DAY.

OH, WELL.

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT GOING

TO THE OPERA TONIGHT?

I HEAR IT'S

ASTRONOMICALLY EXPENSIVE.

DON'T-- DON'T BE

SO MIDDLE-CLASS.

THE ARISTOCRACY:

NEVER PAYS.

HERE'S MY CAR.

( humming )

- MAYBE WE SHOULD

TAKE A CAB?

- WHY?

I GO EVERYWHERE:

IN MY ELECTRA.

I DRIVE ALL:

AROUND MANHATTAN

LOOKING FOR "IT."

I MEAN "IT"

IN THE KEROUAC SENSE.

WHY DO YOU HAVE:

FLORIDA PLATES?

BECAUSE I LIVE THERE

PART-TIME--

PALM BEACH.

THAT'S WHERE

THE SOCIAL LIFE GOES

IN THE WINTER.

I CAN ONLY AFFORD

ONE WORKING DOOR.

JUST CLOSE I TIGHTLY BEHIND YOU.

( singing )

HENRY, HENRY, HENRY!

- PLEASE, BE CAREFUL!

- OHH!

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE

ANY SEAT BELTS IN THIS THING.

DON'T BE SUCH A MILQUETOAST.

AS NAPOLEON SAID,

- "IF RAPE IS IMMINENT..."

- HENRY!

- "...RELAX AND ENJOY IT!"

- Woman:
A**HOLE!

ALL RIGHT,

HERE'S HOW IT'S DONE.

THE INTERMISSION IS

ABOUT TO BEGIN.

SO WHEN YOU SEE SOMEBODY

COMING OUT,

YOU SIMPLY SAY,

"OH, ARE YOU LEAVING SO SOON?

WELL, IF YOU ARE,

MAY I HAVE YOUR TICKE AND YOUR RE-ENTRY STUB?"

NOW, YOU HAVE

TO GET THE RE-ENTRY STUB.

THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

WITHOUT IT,

THE TICKET IS USELESS.

- DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

- I THINK SO.

HENRY, HENRY!

I GOT TWO TICKETS!

SHH, SHH.

AND THE RE-ENTRY STUBS?

WELL, ONE STUB,

BUT I THINK--

DIDN'T I TELL YOU

IT WAS CRUCIAL TO GE THE RE-ENTRY STUB?

WHICH PART OF THA DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

SHE ONLY TOOK ONE.

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!

- YOU DIDN'T GET ANYTHING.

- THAT'S IRRELEVANT.

THE POINT IS:

WITHOUT THE RE-ENTRY STUB

THE TICKET IS USELESS.

- ( musical tones play )

- SHOW TIME, DARLING.

OH DEAR. WELL,

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE

TO TRY TO SNEAK IN.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE'S A PROGRAM.

THAT WILL HELP.

YOU GO FIRST,

I'LL BE BEHIND YOU.

I'LL BE SENILE,

YOU'LL BE ANGRY.

WE'LL BLUFF

OUR WAY IN. GO.

( singing )

WHERE IS--

WHERE'S MY RE-ENTRY STUB?

I HAD IT.

DID YOU TAKE IT?

I HAND IT TO YOU?

- NO.

- I MUST HAVE HANDED

IT TO YOU.

NO, YOU DIDN'T,

FATHER!

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,

TRY TO REMEMBER WHERE

YOU PUT THINGS!

DID YOU CHECK:

YOUR PANTS?

- I'M WEARING THEM!

- JUST GO IN.

THANK YOU.

TERRIBLY SORRY:

ABOUT ALL THAT.

THAT'S NOT BAD.

WITH A BI OF DIRECTION

FROM ME,

YOU COULD LAND YOURSELF

A WALK-ON PART SOMEWHERE.

PERHAPS OFF BROADWAY.

( singing in Italian )

SHE'S RUSSIAN,

YOU KNOW.

ONLY RUSSIA CAN STILL

PRODUCE WOMEN LIKE THAT.

Henry:

SO THERE WE ARE.

WHERE ARE WE?

SORRY?

I LIKE TO SAY THA SOMETIMES BEFORE RETIRING.

I'M ABOUT TO PUT IN

MY EAR PLUGS.

ANY FINAL THOUGHTS,

QUESTIONS?

YES. CAN WE GO

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