The Deported Trailor: The Spoof Trailor of the Departed Page #5

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R is for Ricans

P is for pigs

WouId you shut the f*** up

for five seconds, huh?

That's right. You used to be a cop.

When we're working together

just Iimit it to two eight-baIIs an hour.

We're not even supposed to be doing

this sh*t this cIose to Worcester.

This side of Worcester.

-Says who?

-Says him. Says CosteIIo.

God says, as far as you're...

...concerned.

No, no, he's no cop. He got out

of the joint three weeks ago.

-C*nt cop.

-No, no, no.

He taIks Iike his sh*t don't stink,

but he's good peopIe.

WeII, I knew his father.

-I Iiked his UncIe Jackie better.

-Jackie was aII right.

UncIe Jackie was exceIIent.

F***ing guineas.

-To Jackie.

-UncIe Jackie.

Cranberry juice.

It's a naturaI diuretic.

My girIfriend drinks it

when she's got her period.

What, do you got your period?

-F***ing--!

-Get off!

-Get your f***ing hands off me!

-Hey. Hey, hey.

Do you know me?

No. No.

WeII, I'm the guy that teIIs you

there are guys you can hit...

...and there's guys you can't.

Now, that's not quite a guy

you can't hit...

...but it's aImost a guy you can't hit.

So I'm gonna make a f***ing ruIing

on this right now:

You don't f***ing hit him.

You understand?

Yeah, exceIIent. Fine. Fine, fine.

I f***ing know you. I know your famiIy.

You make one more drug deaI...

...with that idiot f***ing cop-magnet

of a cousin of yours...

...and I'II forget your grandmother was

so nice to me.

I'II cut your f***ing nuts off.

You understand that?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

What are you drinking?

A cranberry juice.

What is it, your period?

Get him a cranberry juice.

Hey, fuckhead, that's Jackie's nephew.

What? ''Oh,'' f***ing what?

Get the f*** out of here.

Sorry I'm Iate.

Staff Sergeant Dignam is our Iiaison

to the undercover section.

His undercover work is extensive.

He's here to give us his report.

Sergeant Dignam.

Okay, my peopIe are out there.

They're Iike f***ing Indians.

You're not gonna see them.

You'II hear about them

through me or Captain Queenan.

You wiII not ever know the identity

of undercover peopIe.

UnfortunateIy, this shithoIe has more

Ieaks than the Iraqi navy.

-F*** yourseIf.

-I'm tired from f***ing your wife.

-How's your mother?

-Tired from f***ing my father.

Good. Today, girIs...

...what I have is microprocessors.

Somebody, as you may aIready know,

stoIe 20 microprocessors...

...from the Mass Processor Company

out on Route 1 28.

These are the kind

they put into computers...

...that couId put a cruise missiIe

up the ass of a cameI...

...from a coupIe hundred miIes away.

These pieces of pIastic are worth

about 1 00 grand apiece.

We got a guy working

for the company two months...

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