The Darwin Awards Page #3

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Jim, you mind?

Zippy Cola is a client of First Fidelity.

They've got a potential wrongful

death suit on their hands.

You nervous?

No. Feels good to be working again.

That's a lot ofblood.

Ugh. Gross.

Could you please not... Oh, my God.

Yeah. I've got enough for now.

Has anybody checked the coins?

Who the hell's this guy?

Who the f*** is this guy?

I have everything I need. Thank you.

I just noticed his right sleeve is ripped.

Seriously. Who the f*** are you and

what the f*** is this camera doing here?

Hello? Can you look at me

when I'm talking to you?

Are you crazy?

My name is Burrows and...

Are you all right?

Of course. Just a little light-headed.

Listen.

I'm Siri Taylor. I'm the claims investigator.

And, uh, you are here only to observe.

So if you get another theory

about our client's liability...

Well, I do have a theory

regarding your client's liability.

People think motive analysis is unimaginative.

It's actually the opposite.

If you imagine all the possible scenarios...

you'll find the one most likely.

Who... is in fact... your daddy?

I am.

Come on!

Piece of sh*t!

You like that? Come to papa.

Come to papi.

Oh. Oh, sh*t.

Any second now you can go ahead

and... wipe that smile off your face.

Hello?

I'm actually originally from South Bend.

I moved here for love. I know. It's,

like, the oldest story in the book.

I needed my space, and much like you...

she, uh, wouldn't let me go.

Hey. Hey!

Hey! Hey! I'm in here!

Hey! Hello!

You minimum-wage a**hole!

I'm in here! Motherf***er.

Oh, sh*t.

The building will be

closed till Monday morning.

Have a nice weekend.

That's great.

Oh, f***. Oh, f***.

Guys like Emile here...

they spend their whole

lives testing the system.

Sooner or later, it's gonna catch up with 'em.

This is the way the world ends.

First of all, theories are bullshit.

"B", the legs on that machine, they failed.

So we have liability. Thirdly,

this d*ckhead has to go.

- It was criminal tampering.

- We only deal in hard proof.

Open up the machine. Check

the inside for his prints.

Okay. You want enough rope

to hang yourself? Fine.

One condition. You're wrong, and

you get some other investigator.

All right. All right.

But if I'm right, we investigate

my bullshit theories on these cases.

Hmm.

The deceased's prints coat

the inside of all the machines.

You on the job?

Used to be. S.F.P.D.

Also seems I've saved Zippy Cola

from a multimillion-dollar suit.

There's a non-tampering clause. See?

- Does that help Emile Travers?

- No.

But he was clearly in the wrong.

Oh, God. What the hell are you doing?

Just analyzing motivation.

Analyzing motivation.

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