The Comedian Page #2

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give me an early Christmas bonus

and tongue my balls.

Calm down. You chose this

career, you f***ing idiot.

You could've been

a doctor or a lawyer

but you chose to beg

drunken strangers

for love and attention.

Just try to make everyone happy,

so you can go home and jerk off.

Hey, look, man. I don't

wanna fight. Let's be friends.

Can someone do me a favor,

get a drink for this guy

and a bag of oats for his wife.

Bullshit.

You getting this, Amy?

I don't want that sh*t

in our webisode.

Webisode? Your sh*t? What web...?

What the f*** are you doing?

Welcome to Stand-Up Take Down.

Webisode 19.

What you doing?

Are you taping me?

This is my show, old man.

I'm here to take you down.

Give me that.

No, you give me that mic.

Take me down?

What are you doing?

Wanna go joke to joke with me,

Eddie?

Take your hands off my mic.

You wanna dance? Let's go.

Let go of the mic.

This is my show, buddy.

You getting this, Amy?

This is my show.

You're the joke, old man.

You're the f***ing joke.

You want the mic? You want it?

Yeah.

Oh, sh*t! Baby!

What is wrong with you?

You crazy bastard!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

And I'm here to take you down.

What the f*** are you doing,

my friend?

Give me that goddamn.

No, you give me that mic.

Your Honor,

as you can clearly see,

Mr. Severin grabbed

Mr. Berkowitz first.

Mr. Berkowitz warned Mr. Severin

several times to desist,

and he refused.

Wanna go joke to joke with me?

Let go of the mic.

Let go of the mic.

You're the joke, old man.

Any objection to probation?

With a strong public apology and

substantial community service.

Jakob Berkowitz, please rise.

Jakob Berkowitz,

the court understands

there are mitigating

circumstances

but nothing excuses

your retaliation.

It is in the judgment

of this court

that you serve 100 hours

of community service.

You will attend

10 anger-management sessions

and you will make an allocution

and an apology.

Do you understand,

Mr. Berkowitz?

Yes, Your Honor.

Good.

And in accordance

with this agreement,

are you prepared to change

your plea

from "not guilty" to "guilty"?

Yeah.

Yes, Your Honor.

"I admit to assault and battery

on Mr. Severin.

"I recognize that I acted

in a weak and violent manner

"and I will aggressively

take steps to ensure

"that it will never

happen again.

"I also apologize to the court

and to my fans."

Do you have anything to say

to Mr. Severin?

Yes, Your Honor.

Sorry.

Come on,

he can do better than that.

This is insulting.

I'm hurt.

Excuse me, Your Honor,

but I think the defendant

can do better than that.

Mr. Severin could've suffered

brain damage.

Mr. Berkowitz,

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