The Comedian

Synopsis: Jackie (Robert DeNiro) is a comic icon, attempting to reinvent himself despite his audience only wanting to know him as a television character he played earlier in his career. After accosting an audience member, Jackie is sentenced to community service where he meets Harmony Schiltz (Leslie Mann).
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Taylor Hackford
Production: Sony Pictures Classics
  1 win.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
40
Rotten Tomatoes:
24%
R
Year:
2016
120 min
$1,658,706
17 Views

1

Excuse me.

Excuse me?

I know you.

Don't I know you?

No.

Hey, hey, hold that door!

You cold? You need something

to warm you up?

No. You know what you can do,

you can burn this whole

down so I don't have to do

this fucking nostalgia night.

Prepare yourself,

it's not as big

a house as they thought.

The weather kept people home.

See the marquee?

It's like

Night of the Living Dead.

I should fire you for this.

Then you'll get a gray hair

in a place you thought

God would be nice enough

to just leave alone.

I'm liking menopause.

Makes me surly.

Jackie B.

Hey.

Jimmie Walker.

Jackie. Jackie Burke.

Man, thanks for coming.

I really appreciate it.

Thanks for having me.

Hey, look. Small crowd,

but they're very, very lively.

Well, you know,

I can play to one person.

Sometimes I play with myself.

Heh. Jackie.

It's a family audience.

- Good.

- You do one joke

about a gray snatch hair.

So you find the gray hair.

And then he said, " You know

you have to brush this on."

Which, oh, Quelle surprise,

I thought I'd just shake it up

pour it down

till it quit burning,

have a hot apple pie.

It's like I'm an addled girl.

He goes, "You have to sit there

with your legs apart

for a half hour."

"Sweetheart, I'm from Alabama,

how do you think we got

the fence painted?"

That's my proudest joke.

You're the best under fire!

We love you, Grace!

Miss Grace Under Fire,

Miss Brett Butler!

How you doing?

If I ever do one of these

again, shoot me.

Don't worry. I'll do us both

with one bullet.

We got a guy coming on now.

A legend, ladies and gentlemen.

Hickory Dickory Dock,

I got to roll back the clock.

That's right.

Because we are ready

to bring up a young man that

when he was on TV

there was no electricity.

When he was on TV, Little House

on the Prairie was just a shack

ladies and gentlemen.

He is devastating.

What am I getting for this gig?

You get a percentage

of the door.

So that's $11 and a burger.

Your commission's gonna be

a fucking pickle.

Sure. Like always.

The man that you know

from the hit sitcom

Eddie's Home.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's put our hands together

for Eddie.

Arlene.

Eddie, look.

I carved a pumpkin.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

- Arlene, when son decides...

- We love your hair.

To dress up like a ballerina

it's no longer about

trick-or-treating.

Eddie, he's only 11 and a half.

Give him a chance to

find himself.

He needs to explore.

- Arlene. Arlene.

- Explore.

Arlene!

Mr. Jackie Burke

is in the house,

ladies and gentlemen.

You staying?

Yeah. I'll drive you home.

Jackie Burke is here.

Holy cow.

Eddie's home!

Give it up.

Give it up for

JJ "Dyno-fucking-mite" Walker.

He's the living proof that

black might not crack,

but it definitely decomposes.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

I know a lot of you are here

because you love Eddie. Yeah.

Well, I have bad news for you.

- Eddie died.

- Aw.

Yeah.

Yeah. He died a long time ago,

30 years ago

along with my career

and Brett Butler's eggs.

Oh.

Okay. Enough about me.

Let's talk about this

abortion of a town you live in.

Hicksville!

How did they ever come up

with a name like "Hicksville"?

I looked up "Hicksville"

on Wikipedia.

It said "inbreeding"

and "crystal meth."

So why don't you change

your name

to something more pleasant

like Somalia?

But don't worry, Hicksville.

When you grow up,

you, also, can change your name.

I changed my name.

I wasn't always "Jackie."

When I was born, my parents

named me, you know what? Jakov.

No!

Jakov Berkowitz.

Yeah. That's right.

It's that big, girls.

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Art Linson

Art Linson (born 1942) is an American film producer, director and screenwriter.Linson was born in Chicago, Illinois. He did his undergraduate work at the University of California-Berkeley and graduated from the University of California, Los Angeles law school. Art Linson's producing credits range from such commercial and critical hits as The Untouchables, Heat, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Fight Club, and Scrooged, to unusual classics such as Melvin and Howard, The Edge, This Boy's Life and Into the Wild. Linson's producer/director collaborations include Brian De Palma, David Mamet and Cameron Crowe. His directorial debut was the 1980 comedy, Where the Buffalo Roam, which was loosely based on stories by Hunter S. Thompson and starred Bill Murray as the writer. His writing credits include two books, What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line, which was adapted into a film from his original screenplay What Just Happened and starred Robert De Niro, and A Pound of Flesh: Perilous Tales of How to Produce Movies in Hollywood. He is married to British actress Fiona Lewis. For television he is currently executive producer with his son John Linson on Sons of Anarchy. In 2016, Art produced and penned the movie The Comedian directed by Taylor Hackford. The film starred Robert De Niro and Leslie Mann. Also in 2016 Art produced The Outsider, a crime drama film directed by Martin Zandvliet and written by Andrew Baldwin. The film stars Oscar winner Jared Leto and Tadanobu Asano. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"The Comedian" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 11 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_comedian_19953>.

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