The Change-Up Page #28

Why don't you take a picture?

Mitch!

Come on!

It's snipped.

Mitch! Mitch!

By the way, why didn't you invite

me to your anniversary party?

Okay, look...

I feel really

bad about that

but can we talk about

that at another time?

There is a girl scout

staring at my penis.

I want to talk

about it right now.

Really?

Are you embarrassed of me?

I'm sorry.

Yeah. Yeah, I was.

But I'm not any more.

I'm actually

proud of you, Mitch.

Really?

Really.

(GROANS IN RELIEF)

(CROWD GASPING)

Attaboy!

I think that's what

had me all locked up.

Hey!

Sh*t, we got

security on us.

We got to do

this right now.

Three, two, one...

BOTH:
I wish I had

my old life back!

What did they say?

Do you feel any different?

No, go again.

BOTH:
I wish I had

my old life back!

Oh, sh*t!

Come on, guy!

We are running out of time here.

Three, two, one...

BOTH:
I wish I had

my old life back!

MITCH:
Bingo! DAVE: Nice!

Let's go, this way!

I'm peeing all over people,

slow down!

WOMAN:
Watch it!

MITCH:
Excuse me,

I'm sorry. Pardon me.

(ALL MURMURING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(BABY CRYING)

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank God.

Pumpkin! Pumpkin, I'm back.

Pumpkin, wake up.

Can you wake up, baby?

I'm back, I'm back.

Oh, my God, I missed you so much.

Oh, honey.

Okay, I owe you an

explanation for last night.

I owe you an apology

for this week.

And most importantly, I owe you

a fix for the last five years.

Honey, things are

changing, I promise.

You and the kids mean everything to me.

Nothing is more important.

In fact, I'm going

to quit my job.

I'm going to work today,

I'm going to quit my job.

I'm going to apply

to Kinko's, all right?

Or maybe Chick-fil-A or Waffle House?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hold on, just a second.

Foot Locker?

It is the middle

of the night. Shh.

All right, I don't know what's

going on with you two dorks.

That's enough.

I don't want you

to quit your job.

What are you

talking about?

You love your job

and you love the law.

I love that about you.

I just want you to

come home for dinner.

I know.

And Dialogue Night.

And to see the kids.

And I want you

to want to be here.

I do. You have no idea.

You don't have

to get all, like,

"I'm going

to quit my job."

(BABY RESUMES CRYING)

It's my turn.

No, no, no.

Back to bed.

They're mine.

I love you.

Hi!

Look who's up.

Good morning.

Hi, my little man.

(LAUGHING) And how are you

this morning, little princess?

Good morning.

How was your sleep?

Yeah, I know.

Okay, she's first.

She's a little

bit more vocal.

Right?

Are you trying to tell me

you've got a little surprise?

Did you make me

something special?

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