The Cat in the Hat Page #2

for Troubled Youth...

is what we call in the sales game

a win-win scenario.

A top-flight military school,

and it's only... eight hours away.

Oh, the phone.

I heard what you said.

I'm not going to military school, Larry.

Look, buddy,

I know I'm not your dad...

and this is probably

really strange for you...

your neighbor's

dating your mom.

But here's the thing, son.

Come here.

I don't like you either.

But I'm gonna

marry your mom.

And if it was up to me,

you'd be at military school today.

I'm not going

to military school.

Ohh!

I think you're gonna love it.

It's just like summer camp,

except with brutal forced marches...

and soul-crushing discipline.

And one more thing...

It's Lawrence,

you snot-nosed son of a...

wonderful woman

who I'm absolutely crazy about!

Oww!

Gosh, I love children!

Oh, Joan,

I didn't see you there.

Would you be a doll

and help me bring up chairs

from the basement?

Nothing would give me

more pleasure, Joan,

but I do have to run.

I have a very important

sales conference downtown.

Oh. Okay.

- Well, I'll see you at the party tonight.

- Sure.

Mom, that guy's a total phony.

You can't let Larry...

It's Lawrence, Conrad.

Kate's Catering.

I'm here to do your party tonight.

Oh, hi.

Where's Kate?

I'm Kate.

Oh. Okay.

Right this way, Kate.

Mom, you've gotta

listen to me...

Quiet!

Two weeks ago

you said you would...

I "specialed" it.

See?

Quiet!

Nevins!

I said quiet!

Joan Walden Real Estate.

Be it ever so humble,

there's no place like Joan.

This is Mr. Humberfloob.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Humberfloob.

- Joan, I need you to come back to the office.

- Today?

- Yes, Joan.

- No problem?

- No problem at all.

Great!

- What's going on, Mommy?

Mommy has to go

back to the office.

Oh! I hope Mrs. Kwan

can baby-sit.

- Not Mrs. Kwan!

Oh!

Hi, Mrs. Kwan.

Hi.

I'm running late.

Thanks for babysitting

on such short notice.

Mmm, yeah.

Okay, Mrs. Kwan.

Oh-oh-oh!

I'll be back

in a couple of hours.

Hi.

Conrad's grounded,

so no video games.

Sally?

Last chance.

If you wanna make cupcakes,

I can take you to

your friend Ginny's house.

- Ginny's not my friend anymore.

Last time we made cupcakes

she wanted to be the head chef.

I'm the head chef.

What about Denise, then?

She talked back to me,

so I ordered her

not to speak to me anymore.

- And you don't like bossy?

- I won't tolerate it.

Right.

Well, if you're both staying,

remember the rules.

Conrad:
No playing ball

in the house, no fighting,

no answering the phone,

"City morgue."

Mommy,

can't I have some rules?

No chewing tobacco.

Thanks, Mom.

You have my word.

And absolutely no one

sets foot in the living room, or else.

Rate this script:3.5 / 12 votes