The Cat in the Hat

Synopsis: Conrad and Sally Walden (Spencer Breslin and Dakota Fanning) are home alone with their pet fish. It is raining outside, and there is nothing to do. Until The Cat in the Hat ('Mike Myers') walks in the front door. He introduces them to their imagination, and at first it's all fun and games, until things get out of hand, and The Cat must go, go, go, before their parents get back.
Director(s): Bo Welch
Production: Universal Pictures
  7 wins & 20 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
82 min

There are gajillions of stories...

of mischief and fun,

but to keep things simple,

let's start with just one...

about a mom and two kids...

and a house and a hat...

that, oddly enough,

was worn by a cat.

But soon enough

we will get to all that.

In the valley that stretches

from this hill to that hill,

a city is nestled...

that city is Anville.

- Hurry up!

We'll miss the movie!

- Any more tutti-frutti?

I'll check.


It's a town that's not huge,

but quite big enough...

for buyers and sellers

to sell and buy stuff,

from shoes and shirts...

and elongated ladders...

to sailboats and gibble-grated

berry-juice bladders.

So our story begins

at the corner

of Main and Montroob...

in the spotless

real estate office...

run by Hank Humberfloob.

Humberfloob Real Estate. How can

we make your dreams come true?

What do you mean,

you're leaving?

You're a babysitter.

Babysitters don't leave. They sit.

Baby-leavers leave.

I'm sorry. I really

gotta go, Miss Walden.

Well, I need to come home

right away.

All right.

Thank you, Amy.


Attention, everyone!

It's 9:

Staff meeting!

Staff meeting!

Look alive, everyone!

First I'd like to

welcome aboard...

our newest member

of the Humberfloob family,

Jim McFlinnagan!

- Mr. Humberfloob,

I wanted to thank you...


I beg your pardon?


B-But l...


One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven,

eight, nine, 10!

As you know, tonight is

our bimonthly meet and greet" party.

Tonight's host is...

Joan Walden.

This is where people can

meet our real estate agents...

in an informal,

yet hygienic setting.

Mr. Humberfloob,

I have to get home to my kids.

Ah, yes.

Your children.

Joan, let me make this

perfectly clear.

If your house

is as messy as last time,

you're fired!

That's pretty clear,

Mr. Humberfloob.

Don't worry. I promise.

My kids'll be

on their best behavior.


Humberfloob Real Estate.

How can we make

your dreams come true?

Please hold.

If you leave Humberfloob's

and turn left onto Main,

three miles down

you'll find Lipplapper Lane,

a pleasant-enough street

in a pleasant-enough way...

where a neighbor greeted neighbor

with a neighborly "Hey!"



Here the hedges were hedged,

the weeds were all weeded,

and lawns were mowed daily,

twice daily if needed.

And at the end

of this street,

in a house like any other,

something magical

would happen...

to a sister and her brother.

Shh! Nevins!

Stealth mode.

Today's to-do list.

Number one:

Make to-do list.

Number two:

Practice coloring.

Number three:

Research graduate schools.

Number four:

Be spontaneous.

Number five:

Create lasting

childhood memories.

And number six:

Amend will.

What is he doing?

Number 10:

Make tomorrow's to-do list.

Ladies and gentlemen!


your attention, please.

You are about to witness

the third most spectacular stunt...

ever performed

under this roof!

Do you know how hard it's getting

to tell people that we're related?


I'll put everything back.

And now,

for the indoor stair luge!

Indoor stair luge?

I'll have to add this one

to my list.

Go have no fun

somewhere else.

It... is... showtime!


- Aah!

- Yeah!

- Oh, my word!


Nevins, come back!

Hey, Mom. What's up?

You are so lucky

you didn't ruin this dress.

Mom, I know

you're angry,

but there's something

you need to know.

This was all Sally's fault.

Oh, really?

And how, exactly,

was it Sally's fault?

Give me a minute.

I'm workin' on it.

Save it, Conrad.

Why today? Why did you

have to pick today

to destroy the house?

You know

what's happening today.

I tried to tell him, Mom.

"Mom's throwing

a very important party," I said.

"All other important

clients will be here."

But he went right ahead

and wrecked the house

and let Nevins get away.

Now, again, I hope

you're going to ground him.

Yes, Sally, for a week, but

that's none of your business.

A week?

Come on. Two days.

I asked you to do

one thing today, Conrad...

keep the house


Do you know how frustrating it is

that you're always doing

the exact opposite of what I say?

Knock, knock, knock.

Someone lose a dog?

I found him next door...

in my yard... again.

You are a saint.

And here I thought

you were only dating me

for my good looks.

Lucky us.

Larry Quinn is here.

Hey-a, sport.

Call me Lawrence.


You rescued Nevins!

Thanks, Lawrence!

It was my pleasure, Sally.

Anything for my little princess.

Oh, I don't wanna be a princess.

In a constitutional monarchy

parliament has all the real power.

I see.

Okay, that's great.

Uh, look, pal, be a sport.

Why don't you go

tidy up the living room.


I don't have to listen to you, Larry.


do what Lawrence says.

Have you given some thought

about the Wilhelm Academy?

You mean the Colonel Wilhelm

Military Academy for Troubled Youth?

That's the one, Joan.

I'm not sure

it's right for Conrad.

Oh, Joan, Joan.

Joan, Joan, Joan.

I have so much respect

for you, Joan.

Single mother, career woman,

raising two children on your own,

and still finding time

to be the best darned

real estate agent in town.

I know how hard it is, Joan.

It is hard.

Oh... I know.

And I know

how hard you're trying.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime


and you must act now.

The Colonel Wilhelm

Military Academy

Rate this script:3.5 / 12 votes

Alec Berg

Alec Berg is an American comedy writer, best known as a writer for the sitcom Seinfeld. He also co-wrote the screenplays for the films The Cat in the Hat, EuroTrip and The Dictator. In addition, Berg is an executive producer of and has directed numerous episodes of Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm, and also executive produces Silicon Valley and Barry.In the Seinfeld episode "The Face Painter," Berg's name is given to an attorney friend of Jerry's who gives Jerry some New York Rangers playoff tickets. When Jerry fails to thank Berg's character for the tickets, Berg does not offer Jerry tickets for another game that week. In that episode, Jerry jokes that Berg has a great "John Houseman name," pronouncing it jokingly in Houseman's accent. Berg is of Swedish descent. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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