The Big Wedding Page #3

l realize how much l missed you.

Well. Hey, l want to say something.

- This house?

- Yeah?

lt looks absolutely incredible.

When were you two married, anyway?

We weren't. l don't need a ring.

l mean, maybe

l'd like to have a ring some time, but...

You should tell him.

He knows. He knows.

Doesn't exactly

back stroke through the deep end

of the sensitivity pool.

Hey. Look at you two.

Haven't seen this much tail around here

since the last poochie died.

Oh, well.

Welcome to the jungle.

l truly loathe this place.

ls that because you've hooked up

with, like, half the staff?

lt was high school.

And hand jobs don't count.

Thank God.

Hi. Look at you. You look gorgeous.

So do you. Oh, my God, your hair, l love it.

- Thanks.

- l'm so glad you're here.

- Sister.

- lmmigrant.

- Ambulance chaser.

- Partner.

Hey, good for you. Where's Andrew?

- Oh, God.

- Are you okay?

- l gotta sit down.

- Come. Come.

She's drunk already?

Mild concussion. This should be fun.

lt's, like, as soon as we got engaged,

it suddenly dawned on them

that he's not Caucasian.

Wait, you're not Caucasian?

Not at the moment.

Well, that's upsetting.

They're, like,

putting on this whole dinner theater,

PC act, pretending to be really cool,

but really they're freaking out

that they're gonna have beige grandkids.

lsn't that a little hypocritical,

considering your father's

being investigated for...

There's my little princess!

Darling. A wisp.

No, it's fine.

Sweetheart, you know the Corns.

- Hi.

- Hi. Good to see you.

And this is her friend Alejandro.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Hey.

- Al is fine.

- Good. Al.

- Well, hello, Lyla.

- Muffin.

How's Chicago?

Crawling with spics and Jews.

Mazel tov.

l'm shaking, l mean, it's been so long.

What the hell am l gonna say to her?

Don, you're gonna do fine.

l need a drink.

Babe, hey.

Thanks, babe.

- There she is.

- Okay.

Hello, sweetheart.

How are you?

Donald.

You look breathtaking.

You've packed on a few.

You know, only in the good spots. But...

Do you... Well, is it okay if l...

Actually, l'm just...

l'm not feeling so hot right now.

Hey. l miss you so much.

Oh, hey.

l wasn't actually kidding.

l really don't feel well.

l really wish we could spend some time,

- you know, just the three...

- Dad!

Oh, my God. ls she...

- You all right?

- Oh, my God.

Okay. So much better.

So give us the lowdown.

Rehearsal dinner tomorrow.

Saturday wedding at the house.

And where are we going

on our honeymoon?

Vietnam and Cambodia.

Yeah. We suggested Venice,

but we don't count.

Because it's safer.

But also, of course, because Venice

is Alejandro's native language.

Your name is Muffin.

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