The Big Kahuna Page #3

-That doesn't matter.

You, as a person, don't really matter.

It's what you represent.

Am I supposed to

be doing anything?

Nope. Just stand there and look wise,

or sit. It's entirely up to you.

You'll do fine, Bob.

Jeez, I hope so.

You know, when you think about it,

to tell the truth,

nobody's really here.

You think you see people walkin' around

those hallways? You don't.

What you see is functions.

That's the nature of a convention.

What Larry means is, um,

if you look at it in the standpoint

of why we're here,

what we are is more important

than who we are.

Well, that seems

kind of impersonal.

Of course

it's impersonal, Bob.

Why do you think they hold conventions

in places like this?

Is there anything about this place

that smacks of personality to you?

Still,

it seems a shame.

It's not a shame, Bob.

-So who do they have you working for these days?

-Uh, Professor Young.

-Jim Young?

-Yeah. You know him?

We've met.

-Tremendous guy.

-Oh, really?

How so?

He's got...

what, 20, 30 patents?

I think he's even

a deacon in his church.

And all that

makes him tremendous?

Well, the patents alone.

Listen, Bob, no offense. I can see

that you admire the man and all.

But let me tell you a little something

about Jim Young.

-What's that?

-He's an idiot!

-What?

-He's a moron, Bob.

-I wouldn't trust the guy to wax my car.

-How can you say that?

I've met him, remember? I've gotten an

earful of Jim on more than one occasion.

I can tell you for a fact

the guy is full of sh*t.

I don't think so.

I work with him every day.

Maybe you just don't know

what to look for.

Maybe I just have

different standards.

Listen, Bob. You got a minute?

I wanna tell you something.

Sure.

There are people

in this world, Bob,

who look very official

while they're doing what they're doing.

-And do you know why?

-Why?

Because they don't know

what they're doing.

If you know what you're doing, you don't have to

look like you know what you're doing.

-It comes naturally. You follow me?

-Sure.

Okay. So now, do you know how you

can tell the difference?

No.

All right,

the way you tell is...

a little voice pops up

in the back of your mind...

to say that this guy

who's sitting before me, or she,

is lying through his teeth

and telling me stories.

Now, once you get

that little piece of information,

what do you do?

Uh... Uh, I don't know.

Here's what I would do.

I would say, "Buddy, I've heard a lot

of horseshit in my time,

"'cause God knows

I'm a salesman...

"and we all have to wade through our

share of the snow to get to the cabin,

"but you...

take the cake.

"I don't believe you have the first idea

what you're talking about.

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