The Big Kahuna

Synopsis: On the last evening of a convention two seen-it-all industrial lubricant salesmen and a youngster from the research department gather in the hotel's hospitality suite to host a delegates party. The main aim is to get the business of one particular big fish. When it becomes apparent that it is the lad who has developed a direct line to the guy, his strong religious beliefs bring him into sharp conflict with his older and more cynical colleagues.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): John Swanbeck
Production: Lions Gate Films
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
90 min

No answer?

-Must be out shopping.

-God forbid.

-Why do you say that?

-No reason.

It's just something men say

when they talk about their wives.

One guy says,

"She must be out shopping."

The other guys says,

"God forbid."

-It's a joke.


So what do you make

of all this, Bob?

-What do you mean?

-How does it feel to be out on the road?

Well, uh, I can see

where it could be tiring.

Yeah, there's a lot

to this job.

You'd never know it,

but there's a lot to it.

You seem to have been

at this a long time.

Tell you the truth,


I feel like I've been shaking somebody's

hand one way or another my entire life.

-You're very good at it.

-Well, thank you, Bob.

-I mean, judging from what I hear.

-Don't qualify it, Bob.

-What time you got?

-Quarter to 5:

-Hmm. Wonder if Larry got in.

-Don't you carry a watch?

The world is full

of clocks, Bob.

Clocks and mirrors.

It's a damn conspiracy.

Not that it matters

to me anymore.

All my chances have come and gone

a long time ago.

Why do you say that?

I'm not complainin'.

Everybody peaks somewhere.

People find their niche.

It's nothing

to be ashamed of.

Uh, how old are you?

If you don't mind me asking.

I'm 52.

-Your secretary said you looked distinguished.

-She did?

She said your face

had character.

I will give her

the benefit of the doubt...

and assume she meant that

in a favorable vein.

Sometimes I wonder what I'll look like

when I get to be your age.

Tear my heart out, Bob.

-Oh, no. That's not what I meant.

-That's okay.

I've heard tell of people

living well into their 60s.

I only hope it's true.

A-All I mean is,

I wonder how a person attains character.

Whether it's something that you're born with

that kind of reveals itself over time,

or whether you have to

go through certain things.

I never think about it.

For all I know, I could have a face

full of character and not even know it.

You think?

It's a two-edged sword,


-So how long you been with the company?

-Six months.

-Straight out of school?


Well, a word of advice:

It's never too early to start thinking

about where you want to end up.

-It's a lot to think about.

-Yes, it is.

Pretty soon somebody's gonna be handing you

a cake with 40 candles on it,

maybe 50.

A bunch of people are gonna jump

out of a closet and yell, "Surprise!"

like it's something you haven't been

thinking about every waking moment.

-What's that you're reading?



-Wanna borrow it when I'm done?

-No, thanks.

-You don't want it?

-No, I don't read magazines like that.


Are you one of those that believe that

magazines like this shouldn't be published?

I'm one of those who believes

they shouldn't be purchased.

That was a very clever

answer, Bob.

I just said

what I thought.

That's what I mean.

You did it without thinking.

Which leads me to believe

you could have a career in marketing.

What's your wife say about you

reading magazines like that?

It's not

my wife's concern.

-It's not?


We're divorced.

Mind if I ask you

what the problem was?

Maybe you better try

your wife again, Bob.


I just have a real hard time imagining

what it must be like to get a divorce.

The picture

becomes perfectly clear...

after a very short

period of time.

Believe me, Bob.

Oh. Excuse me.

-How're you doin'?

-Pretty good. How 'bout yourself?

Can't complain.

What floor?

-Depends on where you're headed with all this food.


-Hospitality suite.


Hmm. Me too.

On 16.

Oh. Yeah.

-This is it?

-Hi, Larry.

This is f***ing it?

Rate this script:(5.00 / 1 vote)

Roger Rueff

Roger M. Rueff (13 December) is an award-winning writer whose produced dramatic works include stage plays, teleplays, and screenplays. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Big Kahuna" STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 6 Feb. 2023. <>.

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