The Benchwarmers Page #3

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Those butts! You could've gone

to the Super Bowl.

Yeah, that's the past.

- Hey, Richie, where's your brother?

- Howie! Come out, the guys are here.

Is he still dealing with agoraphobia?

Yeah, dude, he hasn't left the house

in six months.

There he is.

- Hey, Howie.

- How's it going, buddy?

Hey, guys.

How did hitting the balls go?

We played an actual game

against real people. It was classic.

All these punk teenagers are like,

"Get off our field."

We're like, "We'll play you for it."

And we did, and we beat them.

- I hit a foul, dude, it was sweet.

- It was awesome.

You gotta videotape it next time

so I can see.

- Buddy, just come with us.

- No. No.

It's not that scary. And you could use

a little sun, trust me.

Outside, bad. The sun, scary.

He's not my friend.

He wants to hurt me. Safe room.

- I know. Sun, bad. You, cuckoo.

- All right.

You know the best part about

winning a baseball game?

- What's that?

- Going to Pizza Hut to celebrate.

Richie?

Oh, yeah. Okay, buddy.

- Is that apple juice?

- No.

Honestly, you have

real natural athletic skills.

You could be a terrific ball player.

When you throw it to me,

and I catch it...

Not with my face, but with a glove.

- I like it.

I am starting to get the fever.

Dude, this chick is so hot.

What's going on?

Nothing. Just refilling the bar.

I love salad.

Yeah, it's...

...good and good for you.

I love salad.

That was some Barry White sh*t.

Very smooth.

Yeah, I work it when I have to.

- How's "Ms. Pac-Man" treating you?

- That red ghost is kicking my balls.

Yeah, that's them, Uncle Jerry.

Richie Goodman and Clark Reedy?

What were you losers doing

on my ball field today?

- Clark was. I was home.

- They were with me.

We were just hitting balls. These kids

showed up and we scrimmaged them.

That is priceless.

Clork the Dork and Richie Bitchy

playing baseball.

- Why is that so funny?

- Because they're retards.

They should stick to what they know:

Boogers and dingleberries.

You, stay away from my field...

...or I'll have my 12-year-old nephew

kick your ass.

Nice meeting you, Fairy Jerry.

- What was that?

- You gave them nicknames.

I thought I'd give you one.

Fairy Jerry.

- Oh, really?

- Really.

Okay, Gus.

Gus...

- Gus Bus.

- What?

That's you. Gus Bus.

Wow, that was a brutal comeback.

Let's go, guys. I don't think

I'll ever recover from that.

Man.

You stay off my field.

Stay away from the fairy dust, Jerry.

- "Gus Bus"?

- Shut up, Troy.

It was the coolest, Gus.

Never seen anybody stand up

to Jerry like that.

I knew guys like that where I grew up.

They think they can do whatever.

I just wanted to say...

...that was great, the way

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