The Battle of Shaker Heights Page #5

- Oh, not another oil snob.

- I'm not an oil snob, it's just,

isn't acrylic a bit jejune?

- Jejune?

- Yeah, it means...

I know what it means.

- How old are you, anyway?

- Older than my years.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- And... you paint?

- Well, my mom's an artist,

so I kind of pick...

- Oh, that explains it.

- That explains... What does that explain?

W-W-Wait. Doesn't anybody believe

in innate knowledge anymore?

You know, Michelangelo was 15

when he painted the, uh, f..."farnas."

- Infanta.

- "Fanta." That's what I meant.

Actually, Infantas are Spanish.

Michelangelo was Italian.

Spanish, yeah. Well, uh, exactly.

You know.

- One world, one people,

just like Jesse Jackson envisioned.

- [Phone Ringing]

- Smart guy.

- Hi, sweetie.

I'm just running errands

right now.

I should be home

in about an hour.

- See ya later.

- All right.

What the hell did I just say?

What the hell did I just say?

Jesse Jackson.

Dad?

Dad?

- Dad, get up.

- Aaah!

Sorry.

- Hey, Pop.

- Keller.

You know,

a funny thing just happened to me.

I thought you were

dead on the couch.

Oh, you mean Emmett. They didn't have

any empty beds at Care House.

- Emmett?

- Uh-huh.

So you bring him

to our house?

Why don't you ever think about... Maybe

he might be dangerous to me and Mom.

- Hmm? Or steal all of our furniture?

- He needed a place to sleep.

Well, havin' him here makes it

feel more like home, anyway.

Hey, I've been straight

for five years, almost six.

That's a third of your life.

Big deal.

I've been straight the whole time.

[Man]

That there's actual sand from Iwo Jima.

- Or your sister's fish tank.

- Well, it don't come with no

certificate of authenticity...

Actually, I'm in the market

for an Airborne cap for my friend here.

- I got one. Can't sell it to ya, though.

- Sure?

- It has a lot of sentimental value.

- Yeah? How much?

A lot.

What's this?

General Ulysses S. Grant's

field flask, my friend.

And if that's the collected

works of Baudelaire...

throw it in.

We'll call it even.

Listen, Bart.

I don't need it that bad.

No worries.

You got it all wrong.

War is just failed diplomacy.

If you hate it so much,

why do you keep going to the battles?

Mmm.

It looks good

on college applications.

- You goin' to college?

- I got no choice.

- Mmm.

- What happened to your face?

Oh.

- Remember that guy, Lance,

I told you about?

- Same guy?

He's one pissed-off

little munchkin.

What are you gonna do about it?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

What do you mean, "nothing"?

On the battlefield, you were running

around like Rambo on steroids.

That's different.

I mean, that's just playin' around.

So? Haven't you ever heard of

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