The Battle of Shaker Heights

[Birds Twittering]

[Rumbling]

[Howling, Growing Louder]

- [Aircraft Roaring]

- [Shouting]

[Shouting]

- I got it! I got it!

- Lie down! Lie down!

[Speaking In German]

Shh.

Gunter?

Guten Morgen.

[Shouting In German]

Let's just get this over with.

- Just kill me.

- He wants to hear you squeal

like a puppy.

Beg... for...

your life.

Herr Kommandant!

Herr Kommandant!

[Straining]

Get down! Get down!

Get back!

- Nein! Nein! Bitte!

- Now it's your turn to do some begging.

Please!

[Cell Phone Ringing]

- [Ringing Continues]

- [Coughing]

- Mom, this isn't a good time.

- Tell your mother

to pick us up in an hour.

- In an hour you'll still be dead.

- Pick me and dad up in an hour?

- You're not even supposed to have that!

- I'm busy right now.

You're one to talk

about the rules.

Excuse me? Listen.

It's not my fault you guys suck. Okay?

- It's not my fault.

- Good-bye.

- [Explosions]

- [Shouting]

- I got it!

- [Grunting]

- [Bomb Whistles]

- [Whistling Louder]

- [All Noises Stop]

[Man On Megaphone]

That's it for today, folks.

Join us next week for the attack

on the Zigfried line.

Hey, there, death wish.

You got a name?

Bart Bowland.

Bart Bowland.

Name's Kelly Ernswiler.

Nice to meet ya.

Same.

- Whereabouts you live?

- Shaker Heights.

You're from Shaker Heights?

I'm from the same place.

- What street?

- It's outside Shaker...

but I go to Shaker High.

Langely Prep.

You don't go to Langely.

You go to Langely.

Huh. Well, I would've

went to Langely...

if only my polo pony

hadn't died.

[Clears Throat]

Kelly, uh...

I've had three complaints

about you today.

- I mean, you go off script,

you steal a uniform at knife point...

- So?

Well, the brigade's been talking,

and if you don't chill out...

we're gonna follow the regulatory

procedures for an official reprimand.

Ooh. The threat of bureaucracy.

You got me shakin'.

You know, we could all easily

vote to permanently bar you...

- from any further participation...

- He gets it, Dunkin.

[Men Chattering]

- Don't waste your time.

- [Sighs]

- So, is this Willys yours?

- Oh, yeah.

If you're still feeling suicidal, I could

run you over in her, if you want.

- I think the moment's passed.

- All right.

- Can I get a lift, though?

- You want a lift?

dd [Rock]

I don't get it. You go to the battles,

but you don't like the rules?

I mean, I never met a rule

I didn't want to break.

- So, what's the appeal?

- Ladies love a man in uniform, Bart.

My Langely uniform

hasn't done much for me.

It's a theory, you know.

You have to be groovy.

d Drowning in my id d

- d Always searching like it's on junk d

- This is it here.

d No matter who I hang out with d

Of course it is. What would a house be

without a huge iron gate?

d Of the chains that pull the cars up d

d The roller coaster

mountaintops so high d

- [Engine Stops]

- dd [Ends Suddenly]

You have quite a crib.

You should come over sometime.

You can service our lawn mower.

I would, but then I might

soil my croquet whites.

- You understand.

- Yup.

- See ya around.

- All right. I'll see ya next weekend, Bart.

- [Door Slams]

- dd [Humming]

Sergeant Keller,

how was the war?

Did we win?

I'm makin' sandwiches for Care House.

Hey, pull up a chair.

[Woman]

That's really nice. It's coming along.

Son of Eve,

you look very dirty.

Oh, this is nothing.

You should see the other guy.

Don't touch anything. We're getting

ready for the Starving Artist show.

- Can I talk to you, please?

- Nana. The gold has to be more feathery.

Like this. Not gloppy.

Okay? Now you try.

Ma, you know why

we never have food in this house?

- I'm not having that argument again.

- Well, I'll tell you why.

Ming, you remember what we said

about the eyes?

They need to have

a little bit more empathy.

We really need people to feel

like this horse understands them, okay?

- Uh-huh.

- That's why it's our biggest seller.

I'll tell you.

It's because your husband comes in here

and steals food from his own family...

to feed every druggie in Cleveland,

like it's not a problem.

Well, honey, pick up a paintbrush.

We're ordering pizza later.

No. Some people

have to work, Mom.

Can you drop this off

at the cleaners for me?

Oh, sweetie, you know what

we said about paying for the war things.

We don't support that.

[Dishes Clatter]

dd [Muzak]

I don't understand how you can reenact

the Battle of the Bulge...

in 72 degree weather.

Didn't all those guys

freeze to death?

A portable toilet

fell on a couple of guys.

That's disgusting.

- Well, war is hell.

- Then why do you do it?

I feel you're never more alive than

when you're faced with simulated death.

Hmm.

Maybe I should

try it some time.

- You're William James Rowley of the

101 st Airborne, pinned down in Noville.

- Hey!

The Germans have the high ground,

shelling your position heavily.

- You're holed up in a stone barn,

running low on ammo.

- Kelly! Ooh!

- Cries of wounded men fill the air

like cries of hungry babies.

- Ow!

At 1:
00 p.m. you lose radio contact

with headquarters. What do you do?

- What do you do? What do you do?

- Kelly, stop it.

Battle of the Bulge, southern shoulder,

December, '44.

I'm sorry I asked.

Hey!

At least I wasn't, you know,

restocking rump roasts.

[Man]

I'd like to remind everybody...

about our upcoming field trip

to the battlefields.

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